Post # 1
Hi ladies! I’m looking for some preemptive advice for this question: how would you feel if your MOH’s FI didn’t attend your wedding?
The story is, I’m MOH in my best friend’s wedding, and she’s invited myself and my FI. However, FI just found out that the wedding is on the same weekend as his weekend camping and canoe trip, which has been a tradition for him and his friends for five years. Right away he said he’d go to the wedding instead of on the trip, but I could tell that it really upset him because the guys are treating the canoe trip as a sort of bachelor party for him and another friend that is getting married this summer. They’re not able to rearrange the timing as they’ve worked the trip around other events already. I’m thinking of asking BFF how she would feel if he didn’t attend, but I want to gauge the atmosphere before even taking that step, as I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
For a bit more information, my FI and BFF aren’t close, as we all tend to hang out apart more often than together (so BFF and I, not BFF-her FI-me-my FI). They have met and think highly of each other, obviously. Another piece of info is that, when I asked her to be a BM in my wedding she indicated that her FI probably wouldn’t be able to attend, as they live out of town. I wasn’t bothered at all, as I understood the situation. This would make me think that she’d be okay with FI not attending, though it is for not as good of a reason. Recently, though, she said that her FI would like to attend our wedding, which makes me wonder if she’d be upset if my FI didn’t.
So, how would you feel in a situation like this? Is it worth even bringing up? Thanks so much for any advice!
Post # 2
I think it’s fine if he doesn’t go. I had a few people that didn’t bring their spouse to my wedding because they were attending other weddings or events. No biggie.
But, I would just tell the bride that your FI can’t make it because he has other obligations. I wouldn’t ask her feelings on the situation, because then you’d be opening it up her opinions, and if she says she really wants him there your FI would be put in an awkward position to cancel his plans.
Post # 3
Oops, read that backwards. I wouldn’t care, and I hope she wouldn’t either. It kind of bites that your FI can’t be there, but it doesn’t sound like your FI is very close to her. Mention that he isn’t coming, and if she asks, mention the trip that had been planned far in advance. Tell her how sad he is, but then how excited you are, and that because you don’t have your FI, you get to be focused on being there for her all day!
Post # 4
Misswhowedding: Edit: Just read your edit, and yeah, that’s what I’m thinking I’ll do! Thanks so much for the advice 🙂
Post # 5
MrsRevolutionize: I would have no concern at all about him not attending. You are the one who is important to her, not him.
I don’t think you need to “broach the subject” with the bride to guage her reaction. Simply tell her that FI has a previous commitment.
Post # 6
julies1949: Yeah, that seems to be the general tone of it so far! Thank you 🙂
Post # 7
MrsRevolutionize: It’s fine if he doesn’t go. I was a BM in my old college roomate’s wedding a few years ago. We had moved across the country so I had to fly back across the country, get a hotel & rental car- it was alot of money, but we could swing it. Had he felt obliged to come as well we would have never been able to afford it so he stayed home. The bride was fine with it- one less person she had to worry about and one extra seat for whomever she’d like to invite!
Post # 8
My MOH’s husband didn’t come to our wedding. In fact, he told her (even before the invites went out) that he wouldn’t be going as he’d rather go fishing (which is normal for him… he basically went on a fishing trip the day after they got married instead of going away for a honeymoon). I still gave her a +1, but she just attended as a singleton and still had a blast.