Post # 1
- Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove
Last week my SO and I talked about engagement rings and I talked openly about my desire for an asha center stone in a specific setting that I fell in love with. He wasn’t really on board initially and being a car fanatic, his response was “That’s like buying $500 wheels when you can buy $3000 wheels.” Well said, dear. I just dont see it that way. I’d rather save the money and put it towards a house.. ANYWAYS-
Today, my roommate and I went shopping for rings; trying them on and getting a feel for which stones we like and I decided that I love a traditional round diamond, around 1.5 carats. Knowing this is an expensive diamond, I looked on ashadiamonds.com and impulsively bought the very last F/G color stone. With their 2 week return policy I know that I will be able to ultimately decide if this is the stone for me.
The tricky part is, I havent told SO that I bought the stone. Assuming I love it, and it’s the one I want in the band I’ve chosen I think it helps take the guess work out of it for him. He seemed annoyed that I was going to make him “jump through hoops” (if you will) by buying a stone online, setting in a store, and have it possibly sent away to be set by the designer pending the store he buys from… I understand.
How can I show him the stone, and give it to him, without 1. hurting his feelings 2. coming across pushy & 3. do I bring up the $315 I spent (I’m leaning towards no.)
*Sigh* Thanks in advance for your imput, bees.
Post # 3
I don’t know if you can give the stone to him without any of those things happening, but at this point, there’s not really another choice. Just be honest with him about it. Mention that it was an impulse buy, and that you hope he isn’t bothered by it. If you feel you should, you could apologize as well.
Post # 4
You shouldn’t bring up what you spent. You can offer it to him but if he doesn’t take it you can’t force it on him either. of course you can rethink the relationship but i doubt it would get to that at all. So he takes it, well unless he offers to pay you back for it you shouldn’t bring up what you spent
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove
I just casually brought it up to him and he seemed ok with it. I guess the true feelings with arise when the stone gets here!
Post # 6
@Fleur.De.Lis: This has happened several times here on the Bee, and it is always a bad idea. I predict a huge argument in your future. Everytime I have seen this scenerio play out, it was bad. Return the stone and never speak of it again is my advice.
Post # 7
I would return the stone.
Post # 8
I’m trying to put all of these pieces together… you didn’t call him your FI so it sounds like you guys aren’t engaged yet. But you’re talking about engagement rings, so does that mean that you two are at a stage where you’re talking about getting engaged soon?
I think that if your SO hasn’t proposed yet — and if the dynamics of your relationship are such that both of you agree that HE will be the one to propose (vs. you proposing to him) — then I would not mention this stone to him.
If you really love it and want it for yourself, just keep it and make plans to have it set into a piece of jewelry that you love. Or return it.
But I would not approach him with, “Hey sweetie, here’s a diamond that you can use for my e-ring.” I think that would be stealing his thunder.
But hey, that is just my two cents. I don’t know you guys and perhaps you have the type of relationship where he would not be put off if you showed him the diamond. I’m just saying that generally speaking, I don’t think most guys would appreciate that and personally, I would not feel comfortable doing that.
Once you are at the stage where you’ve set a date, are making wedding plans, and have a concrete plan that you’ve mutually agreed on for getting a ring, I think it is OK to let him know you’ve found something and ask him what he thinks.
Post # 9
I think it good that you ordered it so you can decide if its something you want. If you do end up liking it you should tell him its something you really want to do. Im doing the same thing as you, buying an asha and having it set into a non asha setting thats customized so its a pain. I felt bad because Im sure he pictured just going to a jewlery store and leaving with a ring…super simple. I told him I would get the stone so he didnt have to deal with buying it online and then give it my bestfriend, that way he could just go to her when he was ready and I would never know. He was fine with it.
Post # 10
I’m not really certain how you could bring it up without him getting upset, since you wrote that he wasn’t on board with the idea of an asha to begin with. He sounds like he wants to be a part of this, but you’ve said that you’ve bought the stone to be put in the setting of your choice. He might feel like you’ve just up and taken over. If you do tell him, I’d be very patient with his reaction. Good luck.
Post # 11
She already brought it up and her SO was fine with it, they’re just waiting for the stone to come in!