(Closed) Advice: I bought my center stone, he doesn't know yet.

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t know if you can give the stone to him without any of those things happening, but at this point, there’s not really another choice. Just be honest with him about it. Mention that it was an impulse buy, and that you hope he isn’t bothered by it. If you feel you should, you could apologize as well.

Post # 4
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You shouldn’t bring up what you spent. You can offer it to him but if he doesn’t take it you can’t force it on him either. of course you can rethink the relationship but i doubt it would get to that at all. So he takes it, well unless he offers to pay you back for it you shouldn’t bring up what you spent

Post # 6
Member
3849 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@Fleur.De.Lis:  This has happened several times here on the Bee, and it is always a bad idea.  I predict a huge argument in your future.  Everytime I have seen this scenerio play out, it was bad.  Return the stone and never speak of it again is my advice.

Post # 8
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m trying to put all of these pieces together… you didn’t call him your FI so it sounds like you guys aren’t engaged yet. But you’re talking about engagement rings, so does that mean that you two are at a stage where you’re talking about getting engaged soon?

I think that if your SO hasn’t proposed yet — and if the dynamics of your relationship are such that both of you agree that HE will be the one to propose (vs. you proposing to him) — then I would not mention this stone to him.

If you really love it and want it for yourself, just keep it and make plans to have it set into a piece of jewelry that you love. Or return it.

But I would not approach him with, “Hey sweetie, here’s a diamond that you can use for my e-ring.” I think that would be stealing his thunder.

But hey, that is just my two cents. I don’t know you guys and perhaps you have the type of relationship where he would not be put off if you showed him the diamond. I’m just saying that generally speaking, I don’t think most guys would appreciate that and personally, I would not feel comfortable doing that.

Once you are at the stage where you’ve set a date, are making wedding plans, and have a concrete plan that you’ve mutually agreed on for getting a ring, I think it is OK to let him know you’ve found something and ask him what he thinks.

 

Post # 9
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

I think it good that you ordered it so you can decide if its something you want. If you do end up liking it you should tell him its something you really want to do. Im doing the same thing as you, buying an asha and having it set into a non asha setting thats customized so its a pain. I felt bad  because Im sure he pictured just going to a jewlery store and leaving with a ring…super simple. I told him I would get the stone so he didnt have to deal with buying it online and then give it my bestfriend, that way he could just go to her when he was ready and I would never know. He was fine with it.

Post # 10
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not really certain how you could bring it up without him getting upset, since you wrote that he wasn’t on board with the idea of an asha to begin with. He sounds like he wants to be a part of this, but you’ve said that you’ve bought the stone to be put in the setting of your choice. He might feel like you’ve just up and taken over. If you do tell him, I’d be very patient with his reaction. Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

She already brought it up and her SO was fine with it, they’re just waiting for the stone to come in!

The topic ‘Advice: I bought my center stone, he doesn't know yet.’ is closed to new replies.

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