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@muckmoo1: For heavens sake, its an invitation, not a summons! Don't go! Tell whoever is hosting you're so very sorry but you already have a commitment that day.
This is a social function, not a work function so you needn't worry about not being perceived as a "team player" for not attending a baby shower.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You should probably still send a gift, just to be nice, but you could a) have other plans or b) be sick that day. That's all I can think of right now. GOOD LUCK!
I'd never be pressured into going to something I didn't want to go to or because I would be expected to attend. Is anyone doing a joint gift in the department? If so, I'd ask to contribute, make sure my name is on the card too, and call it a day.
Work parties are hard because of this sort of thing. Don't go and buy her a package of diapers or something small and unpersonal, or go in with a large group on the gift. But definitely don't make it a time to bring up old ugliness.
Everyone is contributing money to buy 1 nice gift. I was going to put in money definitely, but NO I DON'T want to go. lol
Thanks all! this is helpful :)
Is it during work time? Either way, I would just not go and get her a small gift and a nice card.
@muckmoo1: Why would you contribute to a gift for someone who has been nothing but rude to you? I would just ignore both the "opportunity" go contribute to the group gift and the shower.
I would respectfully decline the invitation due to a conflict that day. She doesn't have to know that your conflict is that she's a bitch.
Well if you plan to stay with this company for a while, it's best not to make things too personal and cause conflict. She obviously dislikes you, but she did a blanket invite, essentially putting the ball in your court. She's hoping you'll be the one to decline, so she doesn't look like a douche for not inviting you.
I agree with the other bees, you should contribute to the group gift and make sure to sign the group card. If there isn't a group card, then send one separately. Then make some excuse as to why you can't go. She'll still be obligated to include you in the thank you card, and she can't later complain about how 'you dislike her' because you were the only one who didn't show up.
Well it's a surprise baby shower so she (the bitch) isn't coordinating it. I did intend to contribute toward the gift so the coordinater can let her know that I contributed but I just won't go and I won't feel bad for it either.
She has done nothing but make my life hell. It will be quite the vacation when she goes on maternity leave in February. I CAN'T WAIT!
Don't go and don't contribute to the gift. You're not obligated to go to the shower of some bitch you don't like just because everyone else is. And I certainly would NOT contribute to a gift - screw that! Who gives a damn about etiquette? She has been making your life miserable and doesn't deserve ANYTHING from you, not even a card signed by you.
@Meealissa: lol I know that's EXACTLY how I feel I don't want to give her anything and I DO NOT want to sign her dumb card, but my boss will be there and the coordinator will probably mention on my behalf that I was unable to make it, but I did contribute, this way it doesn't look like I'm being dramatic or catty in front of my boss.
Even though I would really like to send her a dead fish and dead flowers in a bassinette I have to remain professional. lol God I hate that woman!
dont go - and dont contribute to a gift either. its common knowledge with your boss that you have been having problems with her and it is NOT obligatory that you do that.
your boss will understand, and quite frankly unless your boss is an idiot will completely not even give it a second thought.
spend your time working on what you need to be working on. as long as you arent anti-social about other things in the office it wont hurt your rep as a team player.
edited to say - it should also be said that you shouldnt make it an issue in the office either - dont bring it up and folks wont even notice you arent there. no one wants to be labeled an evil person in the office, but no one wants to be labeled a whiner either - so handle yourself with decorum (which it seems like you are doing quite well) and be professional. stuff like this is NOT obligatory.
I wouldn't go or send a gift. I don't like the obligations that come with showers for people you dont' care for or arent' even close to. They are such gift-grabs. I would reply to the organizer thanking them for the invitaiton, but unfortunately you can't make it.
@spaganya: I agree. I remain very professional and pleasant, but that's about it to where she is concerned. I'm also NOT a gossiper, I DO NOT tell anyone about the problems I have with her but my boss he is the only one that knows what is going on. I definitely think he will understand.
@muckmoo1: i think you are doing just fine how you are handling it - dont put yourself in an uncomfortable situation for no reason - go about your business that day. no one will think anything of it.
Don't go! You're "busy". I just avoided an ex-friend's bridal shower because i can't stand her. I said i had a baby shower to go to that day. Ta-da, done.
Don't go, don't contribute and don't care. I'm sure there will be others who don't go anyway because many people get sick of having to give gifts at every work person's function.
I heard you are super busy on that day. Send your "congrats," sign the card, and go to lunch. Office gatherings are sometimes the definition of "mandatory fun." Good luck!
I would not go. Who cares if it's a work type function? You're not at work, this is after hours, and you shouldn't be expected to play along. Why do you need to explain yourself?? You don't. And I certainly would not give my money, or pitch in on something, for someone who treats me like crap.
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Hi Bees,
I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands, I was invited to a Coworker of mine's baby shower, but this coworker HATES me. I really would feel extremely uncomfortable to go, but then again the entire department is invited. So will it look like I'm not a team player if I don't go? or should I just go even though I KNOW she wouldn't want me there?
Background Story: She started being a real bitch after she got pregnant and I got engaged in September. She and her loser BF aren't engaged and she always makes excuses for this guy she is in her mid-30's and she says that her BF is going to school and whatnot, she is the bread winner of that relationship. I think she is jealous because she is going to be an unwed mother and I'm getting married. It's the only thing I can think of because all of this started AFTER I got engaged and She has been on my back ever since and she isn't even my boss. \
My boss told me that she can't tell me what to do and report her if she tries to boss me around, which I have because she tries to boss me around all the time! and I'm busy. I think she hates me even more because my boss has put her in her place. Also, she has put several complaints on me for the DUMBEST thing!, she is a clerk and i'm Paralegal we work on two diffent types of law so there is NO REASON for her to even try and give me work it's quite ridiculous, My boss and his boss are invited, but I DO NOT WANT TO GO!
HELP! WHAT SHOULD I DO?