Post # 1
I have a good friend who is invited to our wedding. She got me out of a few tight spots in school, and was a good shoulder to cry on. She has also been seeing a lovely girl since we were in school, and would likely be with her for the rest of their lives (not currently married, as they don’t live in a state where it is okay)
The problem; I have several homophobic family members who I can’t get out of inviting to our wedding. And before it’s even suggested, nope, can’t get out of inviting them no mater what. My parents are helping pay, and they are married to/parents of family members I actually do like. It is not worth the fight of not inviting these people. It’s also not worth trying to change their minds. If it hasn’t happned so far, I doubt that 5 months will work.
The question is, do I give my friend a heads up about who may not be polite to her? Or understand that unfortunatly she has to deal with it all the time, and she is a big girl who can, and unfortunatly has had too, handle it? I would love advice from people who are gay/lesbian and have been on the otherside.
Post # 3
I would think it would be super rude for anyone to actually say anything to your friend at the wedding or reception. They are welcome to their own opinions, and might have a thing or two to say about it on the way home, but I would hope they have enough class to keep it to themselves. After all, the wedding is to celebrate you, not your friend!
I might mention in passing to your friends that a few of your family might be a little uptight about others lifestyle choices.. but she’s not a delicate flower and I’m sure she’s had to deal with many people in her life who have not agreed with her lifestyle choice.
I would just make sure to keep the people who are homophobes and her and her date as far away from each other [table wise] as possible.
Post # 4
I would give her a quick heads up that you have a few homophobes on your side of the family, and to let you know if they try to give her/GF a hard time, but unless she and her partner are sucking face during the reception, your family will probably assume they’re just friends!
Post # 5
@Misswhowedding: I wouldn’t tell her, I would talk to them. They’re your family, so find time to mention to them that you have a friend who will be attending whom they might not click with, and why. They’ll probably just reassure you that it’s fine, it’s your day, and she’s your friend and probably stay away from her. In my experience, friends manage to mingle with one another and family is busy catching up. If you give them a heads up, they should be on their best behavior, no?
Post # 6
Give her a heads up for sure!!! And don’t say anything to your family about her status.
Post # 7
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: Unfortunatly, they see nothing wrong with their views, and expressing them. One of them made a racist comment (loudly) at a mall, in full ear shot of the race he was commenting on. His son was ready to die, and had a conversation on the way home, which ended with his dad still seeing absolutly nothing wrong with what he said. If I said something to them, I would be more concerned about them searching her our and having a “come to Jesus” moment.
@jenilynevette: @BrandNewBride: Thank you both. I think I will try to politely bring it up in private and give her someone to talk to if they say something that can handle the situation (maybe the above mentioned son)
Post # 8
My DH is the son of a pastor. His 2 uncle are also pastors and pretty much all the rest of his aunts and uncles are REALLY in to the church. They are not homophobic per say, but it’s borderline at best. My mother was in a lesbian relationship from the time I was 12 until 24. Her partner was more of a Dad to me than my own Dad was at times. I wanted both my mother’s partner and my Dad to walk me down the aisle, but I knew that it might have sparked some huge discussions. I compromised and chose to have my Dad walk me down the aisle and have her partner meet us at the top and give me away along with my Dad.
I gave both my mom and her partner a heads up, but luckily DH’s family are not the type to go out of their way to be overly rude to ppl. I think both parties just pretty much stayed away from each other and there were no issues at all. I did not sit them away from each other. My mom and her partner were at my family table and his family was right next to them at theirs.
I say invite both groups and forewarn both parties of the other. Remind them that the other group is also a guest at YOUR wedding and that you want them there. If anyone has an issue or decides to start crap, they can kindly LEAVE. Don’t stress about it and let the cards fall where they may. Eitherway, I’m sure everyone will remember that this day is about you and your FI and HOPEFULLY they will be on their best behavior. GL1
Post # 9
No I would not say anything to anyone. You don’t want to make your friend uncomfortable, and ignorance is bliss. I would be HIGHLY surprised if someone had the gall to be rude to your friend. And if they were I hope she’s confident enough in herself to think “go to hell” and smile and walk away.
Post # 9
Let her know that people might be rude to her but you yourself still want her to come but that it’s her choice and that you understand if she chooses not to and won’t be ofended.