Post # 1
I’ll give some back story before I ask for advice:
My wedding was on February 10, 2005, we had a double wedding with my brother and his 1st wife which was a great day and an easy planned wedding. However, about a year and a half after this he split from his wive, since then he has had a divorce and remarried. The problem now is since we had a double wedding my date now feels sullied, it is a taboo subject with my family, we try not to celebrate or talk about it, essentially my day is tarnished by his actions. So now next year in 2015 we will be celebrating 20 years together and 10 years marriage.
My husband and I have spoke about a vow renewal in the summer of 2015 as that is the time we first met, but so many have told us that it is bad luck or will jinx our marriage. But i’m left with the confirmation from my family that my anniversary day is known for being unmentionable. We wanted to have a vow renewal to have a new day to celebrate with our family and friends along with a recommitment to each other after so may years together we are different people.
So I suppose my question is, is it bad luck? should we have a vow renewal to refresh our marriage and have our family celebrate us as it should have been? If we do do it how eleborate can we get? ( I don’t want to do wedding party etc, but do have a modest dress and such). Please help, my husband and I are torn with the decision.
Post # 2
To answer your question, a renewal ceremony will not jinx your marriage or create bad luck. You’ve been together 10 years, that is no small accomplishment. Obviously a date will not change a marriage.
I have to ask though: Why is your wedding date such a taboo topic just because your brother ended up getting a divorce? Furthermore, why would you let his divorce stop you from celebrating your anniversary? That’s ridiculous.
I would celebrate the original marriage date every year and I would tell family members how hurtful (and ridiculous) it is that they don’t acknowledge the day just because of your brother.
Post # 3
The seperation was a very big issue and a lot went on with the family at that time so the date reminds everyone of what happened during that time I know it shouldn’t. What happened during that time was sosososo bad it was really hard for us to come to terms with it. I can’t even celebrate with my brother because it’s a reminder of what happened (his new wife was in the picture at the time, not good stuff). Since then he is married to the girl and they have a special day but my day is just a constant reminder of how things were and how hurt we all were.
That is a part of why we want to renew vows, we also want to recommit to each other, losing family members and having children, when we met 20 years ago we were just children (I was 15), I want to recommit to him as a woman. For myself it is more of a celebration of our 20 years thogether.
Post # 4
It’s not bad luck. You need a new date one that brings extra happiness into your marriage. 20 years and you are strong finding a space on the calendar that you can celebrate your marriage and success as a couple. You both deserve that