Post # 1
I want to tell you at first that I am being completely honest when I say this. I have a friend who is like a brother to me. A year or so ago, he found out he was gay. Great, I am glad he finally found someone who made him happy because I don’t feel he was too happy with the girl he was engaged to. Well, recently his fiance, who is a guy of course, decided it would be cool to have a boyfriend as well. So my friend has a fiance…and a boyfriend. He wants to bring both to my wedding. Am I a bad person for not wanting the boyfriend at my wedding? One, I barely know him and neither does my friend and two, I just don’t think guest would be comfortable with it. Besides, I feel marriage should be between two people and the people who share in the values of marriage. I don’t know, I can’t get myself to tell him he can bring both. Any advice?
Post # 3
Yeah, you can’t control what your friend allows, but if it makes you uncomfortable I would say no don’t invite him. Be nice to your friend an explain your feelings…. After all it is your day!!!!
Post # 4
What about NOT givng your friend a “plus one”? This way you can avoid the the boyfriend (and the fiance) but be able to share the day with your real friend. I know ideally you still want the fiance there but unfortunately, this might be the easier route.
Post # 5
I would just use the “we don’t have a lot of room at the venue” excuse. Also, most people limit plus ones to serious relationships, and that doesn’t sound very serious.
Post # 6
Thanks! I just didn’t know how to say this to him nicely. I don’t mind him bringing his fiance, but the boyfriend added just…I don’t know. All of your advice will work since we are having a semi-private ceremony with just family and a couple of friends I consider family.
Post # 7
Just invite the fiance and call it a day. Plus, isn’t the BF the FI’s (not your friend’s?)
ETA: has your friend asked you if he can bring both of them?
Post # 8
Yes, my friend has asked to bring both of them. In fact, he pretty much told me he is. The problem is that they share the boyfriend, so it is the boyfriend of my friend AND his fiance.
Post # 9
@FutureBaker: ummmm… I’ve heard only of PLUS ONE’s not PLUS TWOs. If your friend can’t abide by polite etiquette rules, then I’d say a)he brings one or the other (NOT both) or b)he doesn’t get to come at all.
If he’s said he’s bringing both no matter what, I’d put it like this: choose one or you don’t come at all.
Be blunt and honest. If you aren’t comfortable with it, and it IS your wedding, then lay down the rules and he can take it or leave it.
Post # 10
Honestly, if this man is like a brother to you and he is in a serious polyamorous relationship- I fail to see the problem. Granted, this situation is not for me- but if my brother was in a relationship with two other people I would accept it. If it’s something like the boyfriend is a play thing- I’d ask they give him the night off.
Post # 11
@Zinzerena: Good point, thanks! Your advice helped a lot. I will make sure he knows it is a plus one. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.
@maureen9004: Yes, he is like a brother to me, but like all brother/sisterly relationships I don’t have to like everything they are doing. I am still a little in shock and can’t quite wrap my mind around it, but if he is happy great. I think my biggest problem with it is that he plans to marry one…yet keep the other as a boyfriend. I believe marriage doesn’t work like that, which is why I am confused. You did have a point though, I probably should ask him how serious it is and ask him to give him the night off for ONE day.