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If she's breast feeding, she obviously can't be away from her baby for the weekend.
If she's asking to bring a sitter, it sounds like she plans to leave the baby with the sitter- not bring the baby to all the functions.
I think her suggestion is a nice compromise.
Perhaps you could arrange accomodations so that you all don't have to tiptoe around to keep from waking the baby- maybe get her a seperate hotel room nearby or something like that.
I agree with rosy. She's bringing a sitter, she's likely still breast-feeding (i have a coworker who HAS to bring his baby to my no-children-allowed wedding because the baby will be 11 months and still breast feeding) and you really can't just say no. WHile i agree a baby isn't exactly an ideal tag-along for a bachelorette party, I think it's great your friend is bringing (and paying for) her own sitter. A separate room I think would be just fine! And at least your friend still wants to help and is putting forward that effort which I think is wonderful!
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I agree with both posts. I have an 18 month old, when he was 9 months I don't know if I could of left him for a weekend. If she didn't mention anything about a sitter and just wanted the baby to hang out with you guys all weekend that would be one thing but she is not asking that. I say let her bring the and the sitter and have a great time and if she can't do everything with you guys at least she is making the effort. Have a great time it sounds really fun!
I think it depends on what kind of bachelorette party your intending to have? Are you guys planning on getting drunk every night? I mean if it's just a Girls Weekend I see no harm in her bringing her baby especially since she is paying to bring a sitter with. And you do want her there.
Maybe check with your other BMs to see if they will mind? I mean how is food/lodging etc going to get divvyed for the sitter? Some people get funny about money...
Good Luck!
I'm going to go against the grain and disagree with the other posters. At 9 months old a breast-feeding mother does not have to be with her baby all the time. Lots of women I know will pump for a week or so before and then freeze the milk so the baby won't starve while they're away for a day or two. In fact, unless your friend and her baby are together 24/7, she probably already does this for when she's at work, going out, for the diaper bag, etc...
Understandably, it might make her feel uncomfortable to leave a 9 month year old at home for an entire weekend, but is she married? Her husband (or involved grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc...) is presumably just as capable as she is of taking care of the baby while she goes out for a fun girls weekend. If she did bring the baby, even if she brought a sitter, the weekend would probably be a lot different than what you're planning. Even if she only went back to feed the baby and not take care of it in any way (change it, put it to sleep, etc...) she'll have to be back at the hotel room multiple times times during the day. I think it's very fair to say that all of you and your bms are going to be affected by the mother and child's schedule.
I think the fact that she offered to bring a sitter, and has said that even if she can't come she'd like to help plan shows that she's really just trying to form a compromise that works for everyone, which is more than a lot of new mums will do sometimes. She obviously knows that people don't want babies around all the time or she wouldn't have bothered to ask permission, and she probably wouldn't have offered to bring a sitter. Expecting her to pump her breast milk for days so that you have total freedom in your schedule is a little strange in my opinion, and it sounds like you don't dislike having her kid around, you're just concerned about the impact of things. I would ask yourself what would have a bigger impact--one of your bridesmaids not being there, or having her be there with some extra commitments that predominantly affect her? Only you'll know the right answer to that one!
I think I am siding with Mrs. Spring here! 
I can't believe she really wants to come with the baby at all. You say you are going to be visiting wineries (what I did for my bachelorette) and going to bars - both of those involve drinking. If she is breastfeeding and that's why she has to bring the baby, you can't drink when you're breast feeding. So she is going to come, but skip all the wine tasting? She'll be missing out on a lot of things that everyone else will be doing. I know she is your friend, but this doesn't seem like it would be fun for you or her.
If it were me, I would let her know in the nicest possible way that if she feels like she can't leave the baby, maybe she should sit this one out and the two of you can go out for dinner and have a girls night some other time.
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I would say that it also depends on what kind of bachlorette party you are having and if it's going to be rowdy and loud then maybe the baby isn't the best thing.
However, since your BM is bring a babysitter it sounds like she is planning on participating with you all which I think is great. I'm not sure on the breast feeding issue since I've never had a baby, but it makes sense she may still need to do that. I think it's really sweet that she offered and obviously she really wants to be there for you. Maybe you can talk with her more or have your MOH talk to her about the logistics.
@ES123- just because she wouldn't be drinking doesn't mean she won't have fun- or isn't fun to be around. I don't drink at all- just don't want to. I'm more fun sober and everyone likes having a designated driver who isn't resentful that they're 'missing out on all the fun' by abstaining!
Overall I think it comes down to how important it is to have her there. She's obviosly a very considerate friend- thinking up a compromise that will allow her to attend without putting everyone out, and offering to bow out (and still plan!) if her compromise doesn't suit you. She's acting like a great friend- I'd want her there with me.
I think it sounds like she is making an effort to come. From the sounds of it your bachelorette party isn't going to involve a whole lote that she can't participate in (ie clubbing until 4am etc). Sure she may not be able to drink wine with the rest of you but she will be able to come and communicate in the bonding, which I think is really important. It is likely that you will not be 100% of her focus and that she may have to check in on the baby, but at least she is coming and will be avialable for one of your special prewedding events.
Good Luck!
If she's bringing a sitter, I don't see why it would be an issue? Though, why doesn't her husband/SO take the baby for the weekend with the help of a sitter?
It sounds to me like she has already found a comprimise by bringing a sitter with her so she can go out with everyone and not have to worrry about her child. It sounds like a good way for her to participate in the festivities. It sounds like a great idea to me.
I didn't mean to imply she wouldn't be fun because she's not drinking. But the first poster seemed uncomfortable with the baby idea in the first place, and it sounded like the reason was because they were doing non-baby activities.
Hey everyone! Thanks for your input and advice.
@WestCoastBride I don't expect her to pump breast milk for days just to come to this. This is not how I envisioned my bachelorette party though--true, I don't want male strippers and I'd prefer something more relaxed, but I'm having a hard time getting over the idea of a baby at my bachelorette party!
@duckling I feel like if the baby comes, then it's automatically going to be a non-rowdy event. Like the opportunity to be wild is stifled :(
@KateMW I'm not sure about why her husband or sister or mother (or all three) couldn't take care of the baby. I'm assuming it has to do with breastfeeding? But I don't want to ask this kind of question because I don't want to offend her!
I think in the end the baby will probably join us because I do want my friend there!
Well -- hopefully, since she's offering to bring a babysitter, she's going to be up for hanging out and doing some fun things!
Perhaps you could juts talk to her about it. Mention that one of the girls told you about the email because they wanted it to be your decision. And let her know that you would love for her to come and you think the sitter would be a great situation but you just want to make sure you are all on the same page ahead of time. Find out if she is planning on leaving the baby the entire time with the sitter, meaning you guys can still go out wine tasting alllll day and then out for dinner and drinks that night, or if she will feel like she can only pick one or two things out of all of the different events you are planning, and will have to spend the rest of the time with the baby.
I think that you can phrase this so that she feels like you want her to be there, but you also want her to be happy and don't want her to feel left out of everything. You could also see if there is an opportunity to talk about why she wants to bring the baby, and perhaps she might realize that (if she's not breastfeeding) that she might NEED a girls weekend. It doesn't seem like she is expecting to bring the baby and take the baby everywhere with you- she seems reasonable about it.
It is very nice of your BM to offer to either a) bring a sitter with her baby or b) not come but still help plan. However, the fact that none of your other bridesmaids responded to her email makes it seem like they might be uncomfortable with it (of course, their silence might be because they aren't sure how you feel about it).
I don't have children, but I would feel a little uncomfortable spending a bach weekend in a shared house with a baby. Even with the babysitter, everyone still has to be more aware of what they do, how loud they are, etc. Is there another bridesmaid you can ask to gauge how the rest of the group feels about having a baby around? And of course talk to your friend with the baby about everything. There's always a chance that, if breast feeding isn't an issue, she would feel comfortable by the time the party happens to leave the baby with her husband and/or mom.
Best of luck, and enjoy your bach party no matter what!
@boothbride: Way clarified! Now that you explained the impact the babe has on the sponteneity of your weekend, I totally get why you're struggling with this. The opportunity for "unexpected wildness" is reduced by the presence of the little one. Also, didn't mean to sound harsh with my comment about pumping her breast milk. I was saying that in response to Mrs. Spring's suggestion that your friend should just do that instead and leave the baby at home. IMO people often assume pumping is like brushing your teeth or washing your face, and for a lot of mothers it isn't like that, so I was just trying to point out that wasn't necessarily a fair or easy solution to your problem. Have you made your decision yet??
I'm with Mrs. Spring 100% on this one. A bachelorette party is not the time for a baby to be there. Mine wasn't a crazy wild weekend, but we did go out, and then stay up til 3 in the morning talking and laughing in the hotel suite. I can't imagine having to be super quiet for a baby during that weekend.
This might be one of those square peg/round hole type situations...
How far is the resort town from where you live? Could your bridesmaid come and join the festivities for a day? Is there a reason that her husband couldn't take care of the baby? Could she and her husband come to the resort town together and then she could join some of the activities but not others?
Most of the time, I fall on the side of being pretty accomodating of the needs of others, but I just feel like having a baby at the bachelorette party defeats the purpose... Responsibility free weekend meet responsibility!
Good luck, I hope you guys come up with a great solution that accomodates everyone's needs!
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I should mention that I made some big assumptions in my post that won't necessarily apply to your situation. I assumed that your friend already pumps on a regular basis and has a stock of breast milk built up in the freezer for those times when she cannot be with the baby. I also assumed that she wouldn't have to pump much in order to build up the stock to be sufficient for the baby while she gone for a few days. I also didn't take into account that your friend might have problems pumping or may just not want to. I took for granted that at nine months the baby would already be eating non-solid foods or that his diet might be supplemented with formula and, therefore, wouldn't need as much breastmilk. I assumed that you would want your friend with you for the full length of each activity and might be upset if she had to skip out early to go back and feed the baby, too.
I just wanted to clarify my post because I feel like I inadvertently oversimplified the situation in my answer. I don't want to offend any of those mothers who are breastfeeding and don't want to or have problems pumping. Like West Coast Bride pointed out, there are a lot of reasons why my suggestions might not work in your situation. Hopefully, like doctorgirl said, you'll be able to come to up with a solution that works for everyone!
Sadly, once your friends have things in their lives other than you (school, careers, husbands, children) you end up having to factor in those things. Having just taken a weekend trip to Las Vegas with my sister and her 18-month old, I can assure you that it wasn't exactly the weekend it would have been without the baby. However, my sister and I had a lot of fun, and I wouldn't have missed having her there for the world.
Whether your friends *should* be able to leave her baby at 9 months for the weekend isn't really your call (or our call) to make. Certainly, some mothers do. And some mothers don't. If you're not already juggling pumping and freezing to accomodate that kind of thing, it can be intimidating. And then you have to pump and freeze while you're out of town too - you don't automatically just make more once you get back. Some babies do well supplemented with formula, and some have serious allergies or for other reasons really don't. (My sister inherited a huge amount of formula from a friend whose baby got really sick on it.)
I think what you have to decide is how much you really want your friend to be there. Obviously there will be some impact from having the baby along - but that is minimized by having the sitter. Your friend will be able to participate in some activities, but probably not all. However, if you tell her she can't bring the baby, it sounds like she has already decided she won't come. If your heart is set on a single-girls-gone-wild kind of experience, then you probably have to decide between the weekend of your dreams and your friend. However, if you feel like you can be a little flexible, I think that you can all have a really great weekend, and I know that your friend will appreciate being included. She probably needs a girls' weekend away more than the rest of you, if you think about it.
Obviously, in order to keep from having to tiptoe around the cottage, it probably works best if your friend/baby/babysitter have separate accomodations. And since this was already brought up, I think it's also obvious that your friend should pay for that - it's her baby, so her expense. But as long as she's willing to do that, and there's someplace close enough to be convenient, I don't see why it can't work.
hmmm...this is a tough one. I would imagine that it would be really difficult to leave a 9month old baby if she were breastfeeding - but she could certainly pump for the time she is gone. It would suck, because she would have to pump while she is away too..and probably wont be able to drink - but that would be her decision.
anyway, having said that - i'm not so sure that a bach. party is a place for a baby. I know that I would much rather not attend than to bring my child with me. But since she has already asked the other girls - you should def. confront her and tell her that you dont feel comfortable with her bringing the baby.
but as mentioned in a previous post - since she will have a sitter with her, she will be able to participate in some...but not all functions. and she should def. get her own separate accomodations.
it's hard either way - good luck!
I do think her plan seems like a perfectly reasonable compromise: she gets to be there, she gets to care for her baby's needs, but with a babysitter you all don't have to take the baby everywhere.
She really made a totally reasonable proposal, I think you guys owe it to herto at least respond.
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Hi Hive! I need advice...bad!
Here's the scenario: One of my bridesmaids has a 6-month old right now. The baby is adorable, and I love my bridesmaid.
For the bachelorette party, we are headed to a little resort town on Lake Michigan for a girls weekend. We'll be going to the beach, going to wineries, and going out to dinner/bars. We are planning to rent a little cottage.
My bm with the baby (who would be about 9 months at that point) sent out an email to the other bm's saying "would it be ok if i brought my baby and a baby-sitter to the weekend? otherwise i probably can't participate but would still help plan." I recently learned about this email from my MOH. Apparently, no one responded to her, and no one told me about it. In my opinion, the bachelorette party is not really a place for small children so I am a bit frustrated that she wants to bring her baby. On the other hand, I want my bm to participate...I love her! And I would be sad if she didn't come because she felt she needed to attended to baby. I don't have kids so I don't know the intricacies involved with feeding a baby, etc.
So, what do you guys think? Is is appropriate for her to bring her baby? If that's awkward, how do I broach the topic with her?