Advice needed – bridesmaid friendship issues

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The real problem here is not that she’s being a bad bridesmaid, it’s that she’s being a bad friend. I think you need to sit down and talk to her in THAT context. Leave the wedding out of it altogether! Just say you thought you were really close and that you’re hurt that it seems like she’s avoiding you now, and you want to know what’s up. There’s nothing “bridezilla” about that.


Post # 4
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@blueskies22:  ughh…i have had this experience. 

Like you, my MOH ( I had two, one was my sister and one my BF) and she was so excited when i got engaged, literally jumping for joy. 

Fast forward to when i actually started wedding planning, she started to drift away and like your friend, became unexcited, sometimes non-responsive. And I realized that maybe she is a little jealous. 

So, I learned quickly to not rely on my BM/MOH to do things with me, because the fact is, no one is going to be as excited you and your FI. 

So what I suggest, you can invite her to things, but as long as you don’t expect anything, like don’t expect her to be excited, you won’t be disappointed. 

As far as dress shopping goes, set a date, and if she can’t make it, too bad. Sorry, but this is your wedding, your day, and you can’t go around her schedule. If you happen to pick a dress, you can be nice and say hey, we picked a dress but I want you to see it before the girls buy it. 

Surround yourself with other people, even if they aren’t in the wedding party to helpyou with thngs. My MIL was awesome and my aunt was great when it came to coming with me for thigns wedding related. 

I know it sucks because you expect the BMs to be there for you but in reality, they aren’t. They are looking at themselves and saying how come im not married yet, etc. Its a horrible way to think and be. 

Post # 5
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@blueskies22:  I have a BM like this- and she’s my MOH!!  I have friends who aren’t even BMs who are more supportive of the wedding than she is but she was over the moon when I got engaged.  I was super excited to tell her I picked a venue and booked a date- I left a VM.  I couple days later I sent a text to call me when she gets a chance.  Then a couple days later I texted her again.  She didn’t call or text me back for over 2 weeks and finally answered the phone.  Not just a bad BM, but not being a good friend.

I think trying to focus on being a good friend and not bring up the wedding all the time might help, and also not relying on her for anything wedding-related.  That way if she does show up dress shopping, you aren’t disappointed and if she does you are pleasantly surprised.  I feel like in these situations, someones the BM is going through her own issues and she might be a little jealous.  If you expect her to do a few key things, then I would have a talk to her (and every other bridesmaid) and each of your expectations for the wedding and wedding-related functions.  GL!

Post # 6
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@blueskies22:  I think when girls act like this there are just jealous. That sounds like a cliche but I think when it comes to weddings every girl wants to be the one getting married. 

Post # 7
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@blueskies22:  I feel you should ask her straight out two questions. Do you still want to be my friend and do you still want to be a part of the wedding?

To me it sounds like she is jealous if she is suddenly making jokes at your expense and making snide comments. There is a chance she doesn’t realize that her behaviour is hurting you and you need to make your feelings clear to her.

If she is truly a friend she will apologize and stop treating you like this, if not then she isn’t as good of a friend as you thought and it would be wise to tell her you would no longer like her in the wedding party but invite her as simply a guest instead.

Post # 9
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hi blueskies22 atleast you have friends who are supportive mightbbe nice to get them a little gift to say thank you.  Sometimes people dont view someone elses wedding as high and you do and are engrossed in their own lives. Having said that she should still come to the fitting. Im having a similar problem with my FSIL her attitude to the whole wedding stinks she wont even try dresses on.


I found I talk more about my wedding to strangers on forums than in real life its a nice community as people are equally excited for their big day. Im lucky as my other bm is one of my oldest friend of 15 years and was married last year is been very supportive and  refused to let me even pay half of the dress. I think every wedding party at least has one crap bm well mostly readig posts on here do but best thing to do is surround yourself with the people who are the most supportive xx

Post # 12
36 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree that you need to address this focusing on the friendship and leave the wedding out of it, if only so you don’t get accused of being a bridezilla.  Approach it that you want to talk about how to preserve and heal any hurts in your friendship because she is so important to you.

I think you can work it out and I agree with what Daisy said about telling her when things are happening and you can only do so much to make her feel involved.  

I do have to say that wedding planning has been a bittersweet experience for me because I have encountered totally unexpected things with the women who I thought I was closest to.  I am learning that this seems to be the case for many people.  I asked the person who I thought was my best friend to be in my wedding and she said she might be going camping that weekend.  This was two weeks ago and I haven’t heard a thing.  I thought wedding planning was going to be happy and an enjoyable time to bond with those around me, but the interpersonal issues really can kill that.  I wish you the best, let us know how it goes, maybe it will help others figure out how to handle things they are going through.

Post # 13
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Daizy914:  well said!!!

 @beth2507:  I agree with the notion of a wedding being a bittersweet experience. I never thought that the girls closest to me would make wedding planning difficult….


@blueskies22:  I just want you to know that you are not alone…. I had a lot of problems with my bridesmaids…. one girl dropped out 2 months before the wedding and another made every step of the planning process difficult….. do your best to please yourself (it is your day after all) and try to keep others in mind when planning……

Post # 14
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@HeartsandSparkles:  i went through this too where I thought I was talking about the wedding too much, but at the same time I was like wait a minute, I am getting friggin married! I should be able to talk about it as much as I want to whomever I want! It only happens once, and this is the happiest moment of my life.
So I stopped talking to certain people about it. Its so sad.

My wedding was a real eye opener for me.

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