- 5 years ago
First of all I wanted to say I’ve just started looking/lurking on the site for a similar situation but in failing to find one, I thought I’d try for some opinions as I’m not exactly in the bridal mindset. Hopefully ou bees in a more wedding state of mind can provide some needed insight. Thanks for any help in advance.
This is about my sister’s wedding not mine, I’m a long way out still from such events.
The background story: My younger sister and her FI recently got engaged before the holidays. She came home with him for Christmas to some serious trepidation from the family. They are both still in college and want to get married asap. The rest of the family is supportive of the couple but my parents are of the mindset that “a marriage implies independence”. So they willl only support (ie help pay for) the wedding if the wedding comes after graduation so they don’t rely on my parents for finanical support during their final years of college. (His parents are not in a position to help with the money). So far I’ve tried to stay out of the fray because my life is stressful enough.
Because of this situation, my sister has been wary to give any dates to anyone or try to concretely plan anything. Such discussions tend to set off a firestorm of emotional backlash from one party or another. However, she did invite my mother, myself and my other sister to go wedding dresses.
While in the shop, waiting for her appointment, we were looking through the bridesmaid dresses. Now up to this point, there had been no discussion of the wedding party. Honestly I hadn’t put much thought into it, though I thought possibly the two sisters (me and my other older sister) may be included. Halfway through waiting, she looks at the two of us and goes “Oh, you guys aren’t bridesmaids. You wouldn’t want that sort of trouble/hassle anyway”. Then continues looking through the racks.
Shocked by the bluntness of her comment, I was speechless. I gathered my wits, said “Okay, you’re right.” and moved on with the appointment. My sister seemed to have a similar reaction though she hid it well. Following that she then asked us what we wanted to help with regarding the wedding. Having just been told we’re not bridesmaids, and seeing that was one of the main tasks of a BM is to help with wedding planning, I was tempted to say something. But I held my tongue and offered to help with whatever she needed for now.
Later talking to my family, I learned that she’s picked some college friends to her BM. I don’t know any of these girls and I’m sure they are all rather nice people. We are not really close but we’ve never had a major falling out or anything. I just want to know the polite way to tell her that she hurt my feelings with the way she approached the BM subject. I don’t believe it occured to her that we may want to be included and I know I am not one to tell anyone who should be in their bridal party. (btw my mother thinks we should be because we’re sisters…I’m not going with that). I just want to be treated with respect and not blown off in the middle of the store.
Any thoughts on my next move about this would be appreciated. Thanks for reading. Points to anyone who made it to the end.