Post # 1
I’m hoping that someone can provide some advice for a recently engaged friend who asked that I post this issue on her behalf. Let’s call her Jane.
Jane recently got engaged to “Mike” and they’re in the very beginning planning stages of their wedding. They have already come to a disagreement about their wedding party. Jane would love 7 bridemaids and Mike would like 6 groomsmen, but he can have 7 if he chooses too- he has plenty of friends. The actual # isn’t the problem though, it is 1 girl in particular — let’s call her Brandy. Jane has been very good friends w/ Brandy for about 5 years. They talk every day and hangout every weekend. They have even spoken about having each other in their bridal parties prior to either of them being engaged. Jane would like Brandy to be a bridesmaid, but the Mike truly dislikes Brandy. Mike says that he does not want to hear her voice, she tends to be loud, and she likes to be the center of attention. He is okay with Brandy being a guest at the wedding, but he is being very stubborn and adamant about not having her in the bridal party. The bride even threatened to have “no bridal party at all if she can’t be in it” and he said he was fine with that as long as she’s not in it. Ensuring that Brandy is not in the bridal party is a top priority for Mike. Jane knows that this will destroy her friendship and really hurt Brandy’s feelings if she is not included. Jane can’t fully put the blame on the Mike b/c then it will be awkward around the groom & the friend for the rest of their lives. Also, Jane does not want to cut down on the number of bridesmaids because she would like these specific 7 women involved in the wedding and is actually closer with Brandy than some of the other 6 women. Please help!
Note that I am not in the wedding party but am hoping to pass along some of your advice to Jane. Thanks so much!
Post # 3
Jane’s Fiance is a dickhead.
Jane and Jane alone picks her attendents- period.
Post # 4
Wow he must really not like her, I don’t know, he sounds unreasonable, but if she is important to him, and she’s important to her, then he should let her be in the wedding party.
Post # 5
I don’t know any guys who would make such a big deal about this. Jane can pick who she wants to stand up with her, and if this is really worth fighting about, he should learn to pick his battles.
Post # 6
Wow that sucks. I wouldn’t want to destroy a friendship, but wouldn’t want my husband sulking all day long at the wedding either. Tough!
Post # 7
I don’t like the way Fiance is acting. Its rude, and he is not honoring Janes wishes. If it is important for Jane to have Brandy in the wedding, the Fiance should not have a problem with that. Jane should include Brandy and be done with it. Especially if Jane really is closer with Brandy than the others, their friendship could be at risk.
Post # 8
I can’t say I was in the same position as Jane but similar.
I have a friend, we are not super close but I would have liked to invite her to the wedding. But because of pass actions and things that she has said (nagitive about our relationship) my Fiance hates her and absolutely does not want her even at the wedding. I understood why he had these feelings and honestly why would I want someone who is nagitive about my relationship there as we commit our lives to each other so I told her she would not be invited to the wedding. I understood how strong his feelings were and I did not want him upset at our wedding either so I sided with him because that is who I would be spending the rest of my life with.
In the end she was upset but we are still friends and we move on. I don’t know if this helps but thought I would share.
Post # 9
Unless Brandy has done something personally evil to Mike, Mike needs to calm the eff down and let Jane choose her own freaking attendants.
Post # 10
While it would be nice to have a day all to yourself, a wedding is not this event. Jane’s day is as much her fiance’s as it is hers. I do not know why he does not wish her to be in the bridal party, but I understand that he feels pretty strongly about it. A bride always wishes to have it her way, but what about the groom?
Maybe Jane’s fiance is picking his battle, and this is one he wants to fight? As long as he’s not being manipulative, Jane should at least look into the idea and treat his opinion with respect.
Post # 11
Thanks for your insightful comments, everyone! I shared them with Jane and she really appreciates it.
Post # 12
Jane is marrying Mike, not Brandy. If Jane is trying to pick someone to not offend it seems wise to side with her future husband.
Post # 13
It sounds like Mike is overreacting, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that there is something else going on as to why he doesn’t want her in the party and not that he’s so shallow to upset his future wife and potentially damage her friendship over an annoying voice. So if this is truly where things stand I say go with no bridal party. For anyone. Sucks, but it’s a way to keep Mike and Brandy happy. Maybe he’ll change his mind if he finds out he won’t have a bachelor party if he doesn’t have groomsmen?
Post # 14
While I think Mike is overreacting completely, I also think if he’s overreacting over this at this stage of planning, they would probably be better off just not having a bridal party at all Lol…..save themselves the future headache.
Post # 15
Mike trumps Bridesmaid or Best Man. He is the groom. It’s just as much his wedding as it is Janes. Not to mention, there could be a million more reasons why he has such a strong dislike for this girl. There are always 3 sides to a story. Bride should focus on what the wedding is really about. Hint: It’s not the bridesmaids.
Post # 16
I seem to be on the other end here, but I would say if he strongly dislikes your friend and having her be part of the party is going to irritate him, I would say let the girl be a guest instead. The day belongs to the both of you, and if my sweetheart had a real douchebag friend that I couldn’t stand, he would listen to me if I didn’t want the moron to be a part of our day.