- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Bees, I’ve been mulling over a difficult decision for weeks. Any advice or words of wisdom from those who have been through something similar would be greatly appreciated.
For two or three years, I’ve been extremely close with a small group of women I met online. We’re there for each other through good times and bad, have an ongoing Facebook group chat where we talk about the minutae of our lives–I wouldn’t hesitate to say that these ladies are some of my best friends. Over time, I grew especially close with one group member. At one point, this friend (I’ll call her “K”) and I were so close that we were texting daily, occasionally sending each other care packages and gifts, etc. When I got engaged a year ago, I asked K to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, and she happily accepted.
About six months ago, things started to unravel for K. She began to experience some serious mental health issues, broke up with her boyfriend of over a decade, went through (and lost) a series of jobs, and went to the hospital several times. I’ve been there for her through all of it. I work in the mental health field (and have struggled with depression for most of my life), and my sister actually has the same diagnosis as K. I’d never give up on someone for struggling with their mental health.
But K is getting worse. Her mental health issues have escalated, and she’s currently out of work on disability. She’s been clamoring for attention and has begun to act erractically, derail conversations left and right, and lie to our group of friends. The lies were the final straw for me. And the more I talk to our mutual friends about what’s going on, the more I wonder whether she’s been lying about even more than I realize. K still thinks we’re close, but I’ve been feeling super distant from her lately.
She’s so deeply unstable right now, and as selfish as I feel saying this, I worry that having her in my wedding party will do more harm than good. Having an Internet Friend in my bridal party has enough potential to be awkward in the best-case scenario, and this is already so much worse.
I think I want to ask her to step down from being a bridesmaid, but I’m terrified to have that conversation. K doesn’t seem to have a lot of people in her life to support her (unless that’s a lie, too), and I’m scared that confronting her about her current state and/or asking her to step down might send her off the deep end.
If anyone has dealt with Internet Friend bridesmaids, mentally ill bridesmaids, kicking bridesmaids out of their wedding party, or any combination thereof, I’d love some feedback. Sorry for the novel, and thanks in advance for your help.