Advice needed: Long-distance bridesmaid with mental health issues

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow, this sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I wish I could offer words of wisdom, but I’m not sure what I would do. So I offer sympathies. 

I would like to know, have you and K actually met? You mention chats and care packagaes, but have you ever actually met her in person? That might help others offer more substantial advice.

Post # 4
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

Is she lying about major things that affect your group of things, or more minor insignificant things?

Post # 6
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@peopleskills:  What kind of work do you do in the mental health field?

Post # 9
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@peopleskills:  In hindsight, do you feel like asking her to be a bridesmaid was a good decision?  Or do you feel like it was due to your own illness?

I honestly can’t imagine a scenario where I would ask someone I had never met to be a bridesmaid. I think it was a mistake to get involved with her to this extent, and I certainly wouldn’t recommend keeping her as a bridesmaid.

I do think that asking her to step down could be brutal for her mental health, which is already precarious at best. Do you know the name of her therapist or physician, so you could give them a heads-up?

Is your own therapist or whomever you report to at school aware of what you have done? I suggest you consult on or both of them for advice.

 

Post # 11
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@peopleskills:  I didn’t say there is anything wrong with meeting someone online. I met my partner online. We exchanged a couple of messages then met for coffee.

There is a difference between developing an online friendship and asking a stranger who you have never met to be a BM in your wedding.

I did give you advice on how to handle the situation at hand.

Is your own therapist or whomever you report to at school aware of what you have done? I suggest you consult one or both of them for advice.


I think you should ask a professional as you are not in a position to be objective.

Post # 12
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would ask K what she feels comfortable with, whether she is able to handle the responsibilities involved, and whether she still wants to be involved. It may be better for her to attend as a guest. But I would leave it mainly up to her, and if she does attend and remain in the bridal party have someone keep an eye on her so if she does cause a scene at the wedding she can be safely escorted out if need be.

Post # 14
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Also, is she getting any kind of help? I would encourage her to do that, as gently as you can. Then hopefully she is more stable within herself and is feeling better by the time your wedding comes around and you can be close again 🙂

Post # 16
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@peopleskills:  Perhaps you can offer to help her financially with the wedding costs to make things easier? I know financial stress can be really severe with those suffering mental illness. She may be stressing about the cost more than she needs to.

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