(Closed) Advice needed on a man…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@fullyalive:  help him find a new job. that is the best thing for both of you. Poor man, no wonder he is down and no wonder he barely wants to respond. Consider that he might be suffering an existential crisis. Either way, talk to him openly about it.

Post # 4
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Let him know you are there for him, plain and simple. Try to not make this rough patch about your, or your relationship,  but definitely about him.  If you feel he has been unresponsive, then shoot him an email/text/vm, etc stating that you do not want to be overbearing during this time, but that you are here if/when he is ready to talk, needs to vent, etc. 

Post # 6
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

It sounds like he’s just really sad about his job situation. I would let him know that you believe in him and that you think he’s plenty smart and that this is just a phase. He will find a job and you will help him in any way you can. You could also let him know that you admire him for going out and doing what needs to be done to make ends meet. That’s pretty admirable stuff!

Post # 7
982 posts
Busy bee

@fullyalive:  He’s probably understandably depressed about his job situation, and depression changes people. My SO went through major depression, and he’d go through phases of being very attentive and wanting me around, to wanting to be left alone because he didn’t know what I saw in him. He couldn’t even figure out how to start getting better let alone trying to maintain the same relationship we’d had before. He got help, and slowly recovered. When someone is depressed, they feel worthless and like a burden on others, they withdraw. Why not call him, or send him a message and saying ‘I want to take you out for dinner/mini golf/10 pin bowling’ (if finances permit, otherwise you could ask to practice dancing together)- something fun that he might like. Get him out of the house. If he doesn’t feel up to it, don’t pressure him. Just tell him you are there for him, and it would be nice to see him.

Post # 8
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

awww … poor thing


I would be round his with things trying to cheer him up but my Fiance says I can be quite overbearing sometimes trying to fix things when i need to just let them be….. 


sooo …. I say just be there for him. Maybe suggest going out somtime but dont push it and when you do go out let him know that you still think hes amazing (in a subtle way). That way hell know you still like him and dont think anything less of him (this could also be the problem – many men have fragile egos and can really put themselves down wen they find themselves in a a bad situation)


Men are weird cos sometimes they need you to love them from a distance and give them space and sometimes they need you right there with attention and praise making them feel like they are “the man”. 



Post # 10
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

After your update, I’m not sure that I would call him a “leech,” but it does make me think that he may not have himself together enough to be a good partner at this time. It might be depression, it might be immaturity. I think your plan is a good one: supportive, but not smothering, and definitely not getting too enmeshed in his issues.

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