Advice needed on a very first world problem…

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
3112 posts
Sugar bee

@Aquaria:  Do you have pictures?  Hopefully in the end he wants you to be happy with what’s on your finger.  To my DH, it was all about what I wanted.  It would seems sad for him to force your second choice onto your finger just to appease him.

Post # 4
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Aquaria:  Have you told him all these reasons? Explain that a sapphire is a very precious stone as well (hello if it’s good enough for princesses it’s good enough for the average person). Also tell him that YOU are the one wearing it, not him. Yes of course you want him to like it as well, but you’re the one that will have to look at it every day for the rest of your life.

Would he feel better if you wore the ring as a RHR? I know traditionally you wear both on one finger, but since you’re already married and you guys are doing it backwards, maybe wearing it on the other hand would make him feel like it doesn’t need to be a diamond? 

Have you ever considered a Moissy? I had never heard of them before the Bee but now I think they’re great! I want to get one as an anniversary ring because I also like larger diamonds but can’t justify spending that much money.

Post # 5
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that the engagement ring should be a combination of what you two BOTH want. If he really wants to give you a diamond, I think instead of trying to convince him to give you a sapphire (because he will never consider it the same as giving you a diamond – this might be a guy thing, like he might feel less of a man bc he can’t give you a diamond like all his other guy friends have given their gfs/wives), you should tell him what you want exactly in a diamond and tell him to wait until you two can afford it. You’re already married, there’s no rush. This is just a nice gesture and a gift now. Tell him you want a 1ct diamond of excellent quality (which normally costs around $8k-ish) and then show him the setting. Tell him you’ll wait another year or two or ten, but if he wants diamond, this is what you want. Then, I’d just wait for him to make it happen in a nice surprise gift at some point – maybe an anniversary or something.

Post # 6
Member
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you just need to lay it out there and tell him what you told us – that if you are getting a diamond you want it to be a top quality diamond with considerable finger coverages, which is at least a carat. You know that it’s out of the budget, and you’d rather have no ring than spend money on diamond that you aren’t happy with.

Post # 7
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Aquaria:  I think you need to make your husband understand that diamonds are not necessarily the traditional e-ring stone — sapphires have been used in e-rings (especially in Europe) for generations. All of my grandmothers had big sapphire rings with diamond halos, and any diamond ring they later got was a RHR. I’m really happy Princess Kate has a sapphire because it makes them a valid choice once again! 

When it came time for me to choose a ring, I flat out told my FH that anything less than a 1 carat high quality stone was not going to be okay with me, but that “stone” could be anything, so it didn’t need to be budget busting. A sapphire would have made me just as happy as a diamond, but if I had to choose between a small diamond and a bigger sapphire (in terms of finger coverage), I would be more than happy with the sapphire. I made it clear that I would not be SETTLING for a sapphire instead of a diamond. In the end, I got a diamond because it looked best in my setting of choice, but my FH was totally on board the sapphire-train if need be.

Your husband just wants the best for you and wants you to love your ring forever, so let him know that the sapphire is what gives you butterflies!

Post # 11
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Aquaria:  I agree with the PP who said to explain what you want in a diamond, and, if need be, wait. I definitely wouldn’t go with the black gold one as it seems to me like you don’t like it enough to wear forever. 

 

Is there some way you guys could compromise? Eg could you get the sapphire ring now and then a diamond ring further down the line as an anniversary gift? 

Post # 12
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

@Aquaria:  since you guys have already been non-traditional, why don’t you go for the sapphire, and then many years down the line at a significant anniversary he can upgrade to a diamond with the specs you’d like. 

Post # 13
Member
6204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think you should get what you want, but just so you know, that stone price is not inconsistent with prices on blue nile for those specs

Post # 15
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

@Aquaria:  The diamonds themselves are

 

They are excellent cut VS-2 – SI-1 clarity and F color diamonds that are set down each side. … It’s accompanied by a full independent gemological laboratory UGL diamond certificate as well as a separate Front Jewelers store appraisal. “

 

The center is “excellent, SI-1, G”.

 

While the color is high, the clarity is lower (eye clean?) and the cut has been assessed by UGL, so the accuracy of any of those grades are questionable. I tend to only put weight into AGS, GIA, or maybe EGL USA graded stones, if you can’t rely on your eyes. 

 

As you have said that you are only interested in top quality diamonds, I would stay far FAR away from this one.

 

(And IMO, black gold is incredibly trendy looking, especially as an engagement ring.)

 

Post # 16
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Aquaria:  I didn’t realize from your original post that the sapphire ring you liked was one that you really wanted and would prefer over a 1ct diamond (if that were an option at this point). If that’s the case, then I’d go the “Princess Kate is wearing one” route and show him that a diamond isn’t the only stone for an engagement ring. Personally, if he wants to get you a diamond and it might have something to do with his pride and if he doesn’t seem too on board with a sapphire, I’d probably ask for the sapphire to be a RHR as a birthday/anniversary/christmas gift and ask for a diamond e-ring in the future. When my FI got me my ring, he bragged about how he got me a “better” ring than any of his friends got their wives or my friends got from their husbands – it was certainly a pride thing. He felt like he was doing better for me than any other female around. We discussed smaller size stones and even moissanite as an alternative and waiting for the amora gem, but ultimately, he got me what he wanted (and I do love it more than anything) because it was still HIS gift to me, something HE did for me and he saved up for. So.. I guess my point is, if you really want that sapphire ring, then tell him that’s the one you want and try to convince him, but don’t push too hard. Just tell him that while you like the black gold diamond ring, you don’t LOVE it and you don’t want to wear it forever and you think in a few years you might not like it anymore.

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