Advice needed on problem with neighbors

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am your neighbor so I’m curious to hear advice on this issue. Of course we want to be respectful, but we also want to be able to enjoy our backyard. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that they try to keep the noise down after a certain time, does your town have quiet hours or a noise ordinance? In my town, noise needs to be below 50 decibals between 11pm and 7am… although I honestly don’t know how loud that actually is. 

ETA: Just so there is no confusion for other posters, I am not *actually* your neighbor, just a similar situation.. 😉

Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I might give them an anonymous letter (if there’s other people near by) saying that you don’t mind the parties, but that they are occasionally very loud, and that if they could keep them down a little (especially late at night) that you would appreciate it!

And I’d drop cookies off with the note. So there’s no hard feelings!

Post # 5
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well first of all, I’m sure your area has noise ordinances. If they’re not careful they could actually get into a lot of trouble for it.

I personally would go over and talk to them, and just tell them nicely that you would appreciate it if they would turn their music off and try not to yell after whatever time at night as it does disturb you. I’m sure they’ll understand!

Post # 6
6450 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Please do not give them an anonymous letter. Someone did that to us and it was very frustrating because we would have loved to talk to the neighbors we were annoying so that we could first of all apologize for keeping them up and also so that we could set some ground rules (such as a certain time to turn down music).

Go over and chat with them. If someone told me I was being too loud I would not get angry, I would feel apologetic and I would look for a way to solve the problem. Maybe ask them to turn stuff down at a certain time (midnight?) and for parties to only take place outside on weekends. 

Post # 7
1425 posts
Bumble bee

I would just be direct and talk to them about it. When we lived in an apartment, the tenant below us played loud music; it woke us up and made the floors vibrate. I went downstairs, knocked on her door, and politely asked her to keep the music down. We never had a problem after that.

Post # 9
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@GreenGarnet:  I’d start with a polite, friendly chat and ask that they bring their parties indoors at a reasonable hour. I agree with PPs, an anonymous note can be hard to take seriously, it’s confusing for the recipients if they really don’t understand what the problem is, and if they do, it’s good to give them the opportunity to apologize! (I’d see the only reason for writing an anonymous note is if you are somehow fearful of the neighbors and worry about them retaliating in a dangerous way.) If the chat doesn’t work, it’s totally fine to call the police! They won’t arrest them for being noisy, just ask that they go inside. That generally concerns people enough to fix the problem. 

Post # 10
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Just talk to them about it-I can almost guarantee you that they don’t think you mind very much because you are pleasant to them and haven’t said anything. I would bring it up before the next weekend and let them know that in general their music is too loud to have parties so frequently-even before it gets terribly late, and also that you both tend to get to bed at 11 or so and would appreciate that they bring the party inside at that time. If they’re angry or mean about it, just be prepared to call the cops a lot whenever the noise ordinance kicks in, and know that your relationship would’ve soured anyway. However, likely they will apologize and keep the noise down, so everyone wins 🙂

Post # 11
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

twice a month if on a fri or saturday night doesnt seem that bad to me to be honest, eps since the twice in one week thing included a holiday/id say up to mdinight is reasonable and then they should start being quieter


Post # 12
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@jny1179:  If you have a smart phone, you can get a decibel meter app! I’ve used one at work before for spirit competition (I work at a school) and they’re really good.

@GreenGarnet:  I would go next door and visit them, and ask how often they plan to have these parties. Maybe they’ve been having them more frequently lately because it’s the holidays? I’d also let them know that you don’t mind them having parties if you could set a few boundaries about noise level after a certain time. I’m sure they’ll work with you if they’re nice people.

Post # 13
2248 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I’m not entirely confrontational & admittedly, we can sometimes be that neighbor so I can’t guarantee I’ll be much help haha.  To me, twice a month isn’t really that bad & I could look past that & as far as twice during this past week, remember that it is the holiday season & these get togethers will hopefully decrease ..hopefully!

As that neighbor, I’m not going to lie, I’d probably be a little off put, especially if these parties are only one to two times a month & you never join us when invited (read: party pooper in a somewhat respectful manner haha) & asked me to keep it down.   I would also take your concerns into consideration though.  It’s just so hard to police everyone into being quiet, especially when alcohol is involved, trust me!  With that said though, I’m always on everyone’s case about being quiet & periodically turning down the music throughout the night.  Even when I’m drinking heavily, it’s something I try to be aware of!  But if you must say something, yes to the cookie idea ;]

Post # 14
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

The best thing you can do is go and knock on their door and talk to them politely about the situation. What’s going to have to happen is you are both going to have to come to a compromise. Maybe something like, they let you know in advance if they are planning a large party and after 11 pm or midnight, they take it inside. You agree to put up with the noise for some of the night so they can enjoy their back garden. Also, don’t wait till you are so full of resentment towards them that your talk might turn into a argument. Do it soon and on a night they are not having a party, so you feel nice and calm. 

Don’t leave an an annonmous note. They are going to figure out who it was, because  how many gardens are next to their’s?!? It will make you seem really cowardly and immature. It’s also very rude and it quite counter productive because there’s no way to start a discussion/ compromise. 

Don’t call the police without trying to resolve the situation by talking to them first. This should be a last resort. Even if the noise ordinances of your town are on your side don’t use the police as a subsitute for being neighbourly. Also, once you have to police talk to them they will be adviced not to talk to you becase they might be charged with harrassment. Chances are, they are actually nice people and don’t even realise they are bothering you. Getting them in legal trouble will make them much less likely to want to help you. These things are often difficult to resolve or prove in court and just end up wasting everyone’s time. 

I say both of these points from personal experience. We had a neighbour leave an anonmous notes and then call the police multiple times to complain about our dog barking (the barker actually belonged to our roommate). Because of the way they approached it, we were unable to explain that they actually had the wrong dog. We were dragging though municipal court, where the case was eventually thrown out. Our roommate was completely unaffected and continued to neglect his dog and let it bark all the time, until we eventually asked him to move out. It was completely a waste of our time, it didn’t resolve the problem in a timely manner for them and just ended up in a lot of bad feeling between us and the neighbour. 

Post # 15
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@GreenGarnet:  call the police to make an anonymous noise complaint. It will prevent any awkwardness between you and your neighbors.

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors