Advice needed over pleasing families for upcoming wedding

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@mandy86:  First of all, let not being in your brother’s wedding go. The bridesmaids are usually those closest to the bride not the groom. You were the groom’s sister, not the bride’s friend, so it isn’t fair to hold a grudge against her for that. As for choosing bms now, just choose those closest to you, or if you really want to ask both your FI’s sisters, ask them, and be understanding if the more rebellious one doesn’t want to, as she isn’t as close to you.

ETA: And the rest of your family were included because the decisions related to the rest of the bridal party involve the groom.

Post # 5
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

It would be one rule for one and one for another if your mother was requiring them to be groomsmen (those closest to the groom), which she is not. She is asking for them to be ushers, which is a decision made by the bride and groom. So I see it as completely different. But I am not saying you have to have them, you don’t have to have them at all. But don’t not have them just because you weren’t in your brother’s wedding, that is spiteful and two completely different circumstances.

As for your FSIL, explain to her that if she wants to be a BM she has to go dress shopping on such and such a day at such and such a time, and then get her dress fitted and show up on the day. Perhaps have the other sister talk to her, as you are closer to her, and she may be able to explain things better to the sister who you are not as close with.

Post # 7
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

You do not have to have anyone in your wedding you don’t want to. Pick out a few dress options, show the BM, see which one she likes, get her to give you her measurements, then order it in her size. All she has to do is get it fitted.

Post # 8
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree you need to let the whole brothers wedding thing go. I started to comment earlier but couldn’t word it right. But like I was forced into having my FSIL and her two children I wasn’t strong enough to say no but I wish I had just stuck to what I wanted and not let family influence me. Your SIL did what was best for her and I wish i had been like that and just had who I wanted. She shouldn’t of had to have you just because you are family.  You need to ignore your mother and have who you want. It isn’t  for you to decide who is an usher that should be your FI so your mum needs to perhaps be told that, and you decide the bridal party. so your mum basically doing what my FMIL did to me and literally told me to have the Bms but I wish I could have told her to beep off! Stand up for yourself, but can you see how your situation is a situation your SIL could have been in if she was told to have you, think how annoyed you are being told to have your brothers so imagine how she would have felt if she was told to have you. 

Post # 10
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@mandy86:  I find it hard to say no and want to make people happy and then I end up in situations I don’t want to be in. Hence the pickle I am with my bridesmaids. I am lucky that my mum hasn’t gotten involved and it is just FMIL to deal with but because I don’t want to upset her I have let her tell me what to do with things. You have a chance to be firm and say it is your day, I think hindsight is a beatiful as I would have done it differently. Maybe your mum knows your weakness and she can make you feel bad into doing something but you can say no. The only person you need to please is your self and your FI on your wedding day. My friend just got engaged and my advice to her was to literally sod everyone else and do what you want to do. I wish I could have taken that advice before I started planning. 

Post # 12
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

If FI’s sister got married and I wasn’t a bridesmaid, honestly I would feel left out.  She’s a BM in mine (and she’s a few years younger and we aren’t close), but I think it would be rude to not include her.  I think you should include all FSIL’s to avoid drama and so no one feels singled out because they weren’t included.    

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