- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
First of all, a small update to my previous post that you can view here. (Warning: it’s long.) Anyway, SIL and I are actually on pretty good terms now and she is making a big effort to be a friend. I am hoping that the blowout between us will end up being a good thing.
Now the bad news – things between my MIL and I are as tense as ever and I need advice.
After the big blowout, MIL and I talked because I was not happy with the way they approached us and the situation. (This was about a month ago.) The conversation went well – I was assertive and told her I am not looking for any fights, but I am not backing down from any either. (Referencing what had happened with SIL) and made it clear I did not say the things that SIL said that I said. (Wow, that sounds childish!) I asked MIL about a few other the things that she had said during the confrontation and she told me that “She wants what is best for her boys and if they’re not getting the best, it upsets her.”… Let that one go…
During this conversation it also came out that my MIL had lied about not being able to come to my bridal shower. She had made up an excuse about having a family wedding and not being in town… Let that one go as well… The conversation ended with MIL saying she would be at my shower and we hugged and I thought it was going to be all rainbows and lollipops.
In the weeks that have followed, things were better with her, but not how they used to be. (We used to be really close). But I told myself it will take time and to just keep working at it.
Fast forward to last weekend which was my bridal shower. MIL shows up and it very short with me and others the second she walks in. I pretend not to notice and continue to run around and help my MOH and my mom get everything set up. The shower starts and my MOH has everyone go around and introduce themselves, say how they know me and tell their most memorable wedding moment.
The exercise gets to my MIL and she starts talking about how weddings are stressful and everyone’s emotions run high and when she got married she ended up kicking her sister-in-law out of her wedding, but now they’re all great friends and it will all work out in the end.
You could have heard crickets.
My friends who knew what was going on were looking at me to see what my reaction was – which I had a fake smile plastered on – while everyone else looked around like WTF?
The shower ended and MIL left before any of the people she had insisted be invited (after it was revealed that she had lied) and didn’t even say goodbye to me. I tired to shake it off and Monday sent her an email thanking her for coming and that I was sorry if I had seemed frazzled, but these things make me uncomfortable and I was trying to talk to everyone. She never responded. In fact, I have heard nothing from her since the shower. (Which was four days ago.)
In the mean time, my mom has had multiple people ask her what was up with her speech at the shower – to which my mom plays dumb and is like “I’m not sure!”
So – based off the fact that MIL was short w/ me at the shower, left without saying goodbye or before her guests had left and that she’s ignoring my emails, I am pretty sure she is mad at me for something. My FI and I have been trying to figure out what it could be, but every reason we can think of, is completely ridiculous for her to act like this over. I have tried from the beginning to include her in things and she has repeatedly declined, made up excuses for why she couldn’t come or plain just did not show up.
My FI has been awesome throughout all of this and is completely beside himself that his mother is acting like this. Neither of us know what to do because we’re completely dumbfounded by the situation. He wants to call her out on it, but I think it is a severe case of mama losing her little boy and I think that since he was not present when any of this happened, she’ll use it against me if he calls her out. (She doesn’t pull this crap in front of him.)
Additionally, I am having a low-key bachelorette party next weekend to which she is invited. After the stunt she pulled at the shower, I really don’t want her there if she is going to be passive aggressive. Additionally, I have some very outspoken bridesmaids who know the situation since they’re my closest friends. I am semi-scared for what they might say to her if she does show up.
Here is where I need advice: should I ignore it all and pretend it is all fine and dandy? She has not told us there is a problem, but clearly there is. However, in my FI mind, if she isn’t mature enough to tell us there is a problem, then we’re not going to acknowledge her behavior.
Or, should FI and I ask her if there is a problem? And if it is something ridiculous (which it has to be) tell her we’re sorry she feels like that, but this is our wedding. (I think she may be upset about the rehearsal dinner – which is another fiasco in itself.)
As this has all unfolded over the past month, it has become clear to my FI and I that his mother is the root of almost everything that happened… Ever since I came into the picture, MIL has talked to much trash about his SIL to me (which makes me wonder what she says about me to her). But that gave me a really negative image of her. Don’t get me wrong, she is difficult, but she is genuinely trying to make amends now and I appreciate that immensely. (Don’t worry, I still sleep with one eye open when it comes to her.)
Anyway – any advice would be much appreciated.