Advice needed please

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
11731 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did you talk to him about how you feel?  Guys don’t pick up on that stuff sometimes.

Post # 4
cherrypieBee
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

I wouldn’t take it personally that he watches porn that isn’t like your normal sex life, or even like you. Fantasies are fantasies. Now, him ignoring you is another issue. That, you should talk about.

FWIW, Mr. CP and I like completely different types of porn. If he chooses something, I’m almost always completely turned off. I don’t like the type of sex in his porn of preference, nor do I generally like the women and men who are having it. Likewise, he’s completely baffled by what I might choose to watch in my solo time. We still both find one another very attractive and have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. That doesn’t mean we like the same movies, read the same books, or watch the same porn. 😉

Post # 5
Member
10992 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

The vast majority of bees will disagree with me, of course, but I strongly believe that viewing pornography is ALWAYS a BAD idea. 

I don’t believe anything good can come from someone watching it, because I believe it interferes with true intimacy in marriage and that it ultimately is dishonoring to those who view it, those who are married to the people who view it, and also those whose bodies are shown as having participated in the making of it.

Post # 6
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I used to have a huge problem with my FI watching porn. He did it alot and it totally turned me off. I don’t even know how we fixed things but he watches we way less and we have alot more sex.

Alot of men watch it and alot of men will not stop watching it if they’re asked to. Try not to worry about it. As for the type of stuff he watches, you may want to ask him about it since it is bothering you. Just try to have an honest conversation with him without getting defensive.

Post # 7
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am sorry you were hurt. Maybe try talking to him and explaining how it made you feel? I don’t see anything wrong with my husband watching porn. I don’t feel like it interferes with how my husband feels about me. But if it creates a problem for you, you need to tell him. 

Post # 8
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would have a HUGE problem with that, too! 🙁 how long have you been together? When you two are intimate, does he care about pleasing you or is more concerned with finishing himself? Him ignoring you is a big Red Flag… maybe he was just drunk, but if he treats you like this regularly that’s not okay! You need to seriously talk with him and stand up for your needs in this marriage, too.

Does he watch porn regularly on his own and you already knew about it- or was this a first? If it wasn’t the first time and he was just ‘so enthralled’… maybe he has a porn addiction? He was so into it that he ignored you and made you feel uncomfortable. Nothing should ever be more important than you!! He should never choose porn or masturbation over intimacy with his willing wife, that’s when you know the interest has gone too far and he needs help.

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