Advice needed please! Mom making wedding planning difficult

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Fireflysushi:  OK first… breathe. If your wedding date at the top is correct (Dec 2015) you have lots of time to sort this out. In fact, I wonder if your mother dawdled because she has almost 24 months?

Anyway, the short answer is, if they’re paying then they get the final say. There’s plenty of time and scope for negotiating though. But if FI’s family isn’t contributing then they get less say over the guest list.

Now many neighbours are we talking about? I guess if they all know each other it’s got to be “all or none”, am I correct? But if they’ve known you since you were 12, they’re certainly worthy candidates for the guest list. And if they want to invite them ahead of relatives they hardly ever see, that’s their choice.

Post # 4
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would suggest sitting down with your parents and negotiating what percentage of the guest list each group gets. Then once you have that decided then each group can decide who they want to invite to make up their lists – if they go over, you need to say to them – you agreed that we would each get a set number of guests. We cannot go over 110 people, so if you invite x extra guests then it is unfair to me and FI and his parents. You need to cut the list to fit with the amount you agreed to. 

 

The disadvantage of having your parents pay is that they can hold it over your head and expect more of a say ovr the wedding. If this happens then you need to decide whether them paying for the wedding is worth the extra aggro. 

Post # 7
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

I’m in a similar predicament. My mom is used to attending weddings where guest list size is 300+ (a typical Chinese banquet). The max capacity is 150; with her friends that she hadn’t told me, it’s going to expand to anywhere between 170 to 176. (D’oh, at first, I had forgotten to count FI and I for total count of people!)

It’s funny cos FI made a comment, “Is this her party or is it ours?” I said, “Ours, but my mother is going to pay for her guests.” I had a discussion with my mom that I have friends I invited. Then, it became an upsetting discussion of how each of us would have to uninvite people. I made my mother cry. 🙁

I talked to FI’s mom; she told me not to worry as my budgeted number of family/relatives from her side may not all make it. My moms solution is to rent another room -- since its both our fault that we didn`t communicate properly.

So, long story short, until you get definite RSVPs, I wouldn’t stress about it.

The FUN part only begins with seating charts. Yuck.

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