ADVICE needed: To Destination or not to Destination…

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hey bee!

We’re doing a DW as well, although in Mexico, not Europe. Here are some ideas/insight I can give based on what my SO and I are doing.

1. Is it selfish to have a destination wedding in Europe and ask guests to travel overseas for our wedding?  We have been to a destination wedding in the carribean, but it requires less cash outlay and less travel.

The short of it – no! Not selfish at all! Unfortunately, my SO and I cannot afford to hold the type of wedding my family wants us to have (I’m Italian…we do our weddings like the Greeks…BIG) and in my SO’s words, “I just want to marry you on a beach, I don’t care if it’s just us”. You have to do what is right for you 🙂

 

2. Do we still invite the 110 on our list, with the expectation that we know the majority will reply no?

We are inviting everyone we would invite if the wedding was at home (about 300). We already expect the majority will say no, but that’s ok with us.

 

3. Do we have a reception/celebration back home for the people that could not attend?

We are because both of our moms are already shitting bricks when we hint at the idea of not having one. We will have either a mid-day luncheon or a big party with open bar, dancing and food stations. Not going to worry about that until 2015.

 

4. Did any Destination couples send a preliminary email or communcation to the “must have” attendees that they truly wanted to travel to the wedding asking them if this is something that they would likely be able to and want to attend?

We have been talking about a DW for a while and recently agreed that now is the time to spread word around. It is just under 2 years away and people have time to determine if they can/want to afford to come. We have told our immediate family and close friends. I told my best friend because she will be my MOH and I want to make sure she has plenty of time to save.

 

5.  How soon to start planning and or let the guests know that this is what you are planning?

This trip will cost around $2,000 per person so we are telling our immediate family now, and will send Save the Dates once we book the resort in the new year. The resorts aren’t booking for 2015 yet, so once that is in order, we will let all guests know.

 

6. Do you still host the traditional pre wedding events (shower, bachelorette etc).?

Yes, our families LOVE parties. My parents will likely host the usual events typical in our family: engagement party, shower and my bachelorette party. My SO will also have a stag.

 

Good luck with the planning! Greece sounds amazing!

 

Post # 4
Member
3721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

1. Is it selfish to have a destination wedding in Europe and ask guests to  travel overseas for our wedding?  We have been to a destination wedding in  the carribean, but it requires less cash outlay and less travel.

We had a destination wedding in Scotland (DH’s family is still there). It’s not selfish you just have to have different expectations of what it will be and who will attend.

2. Do we still invite the 110 on our list, with the expectation that we know  the majority will reply no?

We invited 116 – pretty much everyone we would have invited anyway. We cut some of the work people that we don’t really socialize with, but invited everyone else.

3. Do we have a reception/celebration back home for the people that could not  attend?

that is totally up to you. We didn’t as we paid for the whole wedding ourselves and didn’t want to pay for a second reception.

4. Did any Destination couples send a preliminary email or communcation to  the “must have” attendees that they truly wanted to travel to the wedding asking  them if this is something that they would likely be able to and want to  attend?

We did. We contacted family and the very best friends – people we knew we wanted there (the ones who it wouldn’t feel like a wedding without). We probably contacts 5-8 people each total. They were all fine with it with one exception (who didn’t attend).

5.  How soon to start planning and or let the guests know that this is  what you are planning?

We let people know we were doing it in Scotland as soon as we had officially decided. We sent out Save the Dates as soon as we had an official date and the venue booked – like 10 months out.

6. Do you still host the traditional pre wedding events (shower, bachelorette etc).?

I did. My SIL threw the shower for me and one of my BM’s planned the bachlorette. The bachlorette was small, a local winery tour, since the wedding was a BIG trip.

 

Post # 5
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Congrats on your engagement! Another destination wedding bee here. I’m Australian, he’s Swiss, we live in Singapore and have friends scattered all over Asia/Europe…so basically we picked a mutually inconvenient location (Bali) for our wedding.

1. Is it selfish to have a destination wedding in Europe and ask guests to travel overseas for our wedding?

At the end of the day, it’s your day and you should have the wedding that best reflects you and your fiance – balancing out other factors like ensuring the people you most want to be there can attend, accepting the reality that some people simply won’t be able to make it due to work/personal/financial commitments.

For us, we ran the idea past our nearest and dearest – his mum and brother, my parents, our best friends. We know that the people we love the most will be there no matter what, so we went ahead with our DW plans. For example, if my grandmother couldn’t make it, then that would have been a deal-breaker – fortunately it’s a relatively short flight and she can still travel. 

Plus, we are hoping that Bali is such an idyllic location that most guests will see it as a mini-holiday with a wedding tacked on. 

2. Do we still invite the 110 on our list, with the expectation that we know the majority will reply no?

We’re inviting everyone we want to see at our wedding, regardless of location. However, we’re not inviting some of the peripheral family friend types – for example, friends of his family who would attend our wedding if we had it in Europe, but that I wouldn’t have even met beforehand. 

3. Do we have a reception/celebration back home for the people that could not attend?

I think this is a nice idea…for us, we’re going to wait and see because we’re not sure how many people will be left by the time we have our ‘main’ wedding. 

4. Did any Destination couples send a preliminary email or communcation to the “must have” attendees that they truly wanted to travel to the wedding asking them if this is something that they would likely be able to and want to attend?

We flagged our plans with our families, bridal party and closest friends as soon as we decided to have a Bali wedding. 

5.  How soon to start planning and or let the guests know that this is what you are planning?

You can never start planning too soon – many venues are booked out a year or so in advance, especially for popular spots. Having said that, there’s a lot you can get done in less than a year too. Our wedding is in May 2014 and I’m just getting into the thick of decision-making now. 

The usual rule of thumb for save the dates is around six months out, but for destination weddings I would give guests more notice – around eight months, so they can make leave arrangements. 

Also – for a DW I would definitely recommend using a planner. Give yourself some time to research planners, get recommendations, and schedule a few Skype meetings.

6. Do you still host the traditional pre wedding events (shower, bachelorette etc).?

I don’t think so…I think at the most, I will have a dinner with the girls’ before I leave for Bali, and then we’re hosting a welcome dinner/rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. And then we’re going to do a recovery brunch/lunch the next day.

Post # 6
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

1. I’ll probably get a lot of flack for this but having a destination wedding can be selfish.  It isn’t always, but I think it depends on you and your fiance.  If you both understand that its a lot of money for people to be spending and not be upset if not everyone you really want there can make it you should be fine.  I’ve known people who had destination weddings and still expected everyone to give them a gift and still wanted the way over the top bridal shower and bachelorette all paid for by the wedding party.  In that sense, it can be selfish.  I’m by no means saying that’s you, I just want to give you something to consider.  I agree with what has been said in previous posts…. its YOUR day and it should be everything you’ve envisioned and if that’s a destination wedding then so be it.

2. You can invite the full 110 people, but just make sure before hand that you know how many your venue can host.  I know not everybody will be able to attend (as is the case with all weddings), but you want to make sure that the venue can host everyone should they all say yes.  There is nothing worse than having too small a venue and trying to cram lots of people in it.

3. I think this is a wonderful idea!  This way everyone still gets to feel like they’re a part of your big day.

4. Doesn’t apply to me 🙂

5. Start planning ASAP, at least narrow down the country and start scouting out potential venues/hotels.  Let your guests know that you’d like them to be there as soon as you know.  I find it helps if you give them time to budget.

6. HECK YES YOU DO!  You’re still a bride and you still deserve all of those things!  Maybe you just don’t go super extravagant, but you absolutely should experience the shower and bachelorette. 

Post # 7
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

I live in Canada and went to a friend’s wedding in Austria last summer.  The bride is Austrian, the groom is Lebanese but they met, work and live in the US.  It was a lot of fun and a great excuse for a vacation. 

 

The bride still had a shower and bachelorette party.  Asked for no gifts at the wedding, but we still gave her something.  I do think quite a few of her friends said they were going to come but then for one reason or another couldn’t make the trip. 

 

I don’t think it’s selfish at all.  Just be prepared that not everyone will be able to make it.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors