Post # 1
I am looking for some advice here on getting the ladies to get along. I am the type that is really easy going so apparently surrounded myself with a bunch of strong personalities and they are starting to clash.
I have one in particular that was late to follow up on a request for input and then was upset when decisions were made without them. She threw around some unfiltered words and statements to which the others answered politely and now she just wrote off attending anything besides the wedding. She was the only one who came to me to “warn” me of the drama and yet was the only one I heard from. The rest had a strict code to keep me out of it to prevent more stress. I have a feeling it was more about other things in her life and was thinking of giving her the opportunity to step down if she wants it. To be clear….I am NOT kicking her out, I would love to have her there if it was best for her to be there. I just think she may be sabotaging in order to get an out. Is this ever okay to offer? At least when done in a compassionate way.
Do I write it off as her not playing well with others? Surprise! She doesn’t care for the FI either but was still an important person in my life and I continued to keep her friendship and simply dine with her solo.
Post # 3
I would not give her the option of stepping down…yet. Instead, I would just have a heart to heart talk with her and ask her if all is okay in her life. She’d probably appreciate that act of friendship. I’d also ask whether making a decision without her input was the thing that bothered her, or if something else in the bridesmaid process is making her uncomfortable. Once you have the answers to these questions, I think you’ll have a better idea of whether to provide her with the option to step down.
I think it’s great that the other BMs want to keep the drama away from you, but with them being tight-lipped, you may not be getting both sides of the story, either. This talk with this one particular BM won’t take longer than say, a Saturday lunch. You probably dont have time to deal with stuff like this, but I do think if you take out an hour or 2 to figure out what’s going on with her, you will be armed with better info and can make a better decision.
I think if you don’t do your due diligence, even putting the option of stepping down on the table may offend her deeply.
Post # 4
I think it’s best to give her an out, if she wants it.I would talk to her about her life, and when she gives you her spheal, say ” you have all this going on on top of being a BM? You must be so stressed out! I totally understand if you want to step down as a bm, if you need to., but I would really love for you to sill attend as a guest !
Post # 5
i think malicious is a pretty strong word for a person that had a bit of drama with friends and then bitched to you about it – especially as you suspect she has other issues happening in her life but youve not asked her about it
Post # 6
@eloping: This exactly!
Plus if I am reading your post right OP, she said she would attend the wedding and just not be included in anything else your other bridesmaids are doing. That sound perfectly acceptable to me. She is keeping away from the other bridesmaids so as to avoid anymore trouble. I think she is being rather gracious since it takes more than one person to tango.
It isn’t written anywhere that I know of that BM’s had to like each other and get along!
Post # 7
@imalittlebirdie: That is what I was thinking ONLY as a last resort.
Haven’t had a chance to get together with her yet as we are both at stressful points in our schooling. I think that more of this was about my frustration with everything else going on and feeling like I had one more thing on my plate if I was dealing with diffusing a fight btwn the ladies. Things have since settled and I hear there are no hard feelings.
Thank you for all the advice ladies! I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being a “zilla” and I just needed some time to make sure I approach this in a very compassionate way.