Advice on Adjusting Expectations?

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
5818 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@jpr:  My advice is to quit giving in to MIL. It’s not her wedding. She might be paying for it, but it should be a gift to you and FI–no strings attached. ANNNDDDDD FI should be standing up for you. That worries me the most. You need to stand up to FI that this is your wedding too and if he likes his Mommy’s ideas better than yours, maybe he should marry HER.

Post # 4
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jpr:  I don’t think the venue needs to dictate the wedding. I’m not in the camp of those who believe that a high grand ceiling needs high grand centerpieces. Your guests will spend 99% of their time looking straight ahead or down, not up.

When I read your post and then saw your pic, I immediately thought of the wedding where the couple hung a huge parachute over their reception. It would give you the feeling of your tent wedding and it looks like it would be fairly easy to do in your venue.


You could get a similar feeling by draping the ceiling.

What do the tables at the venue look like? Are they standard round banquet tables that need to be covered?  You could get your wood feel with brown cloths , then add your runner and flowers.

Post # 5
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@julies1949:  Holy WOW that is beautiful, but all I can wonder is what would it cost to do in a big space?


@jpr:  I understand how you feel, I think. I had always pictured a private courthouse civil ceremony and then possibly a low-key backyard party at our family friends’ house on the water (they offered). Simple, sentimental, cheap!

What I got was a FH who wants to have a ceremony with all of our friends and family there to support us as we exchange our vows, after all of our years of hard work staying together through graduate school, long distance, etc. (Who can argue with a man who asks for such a thing?? Come on! lol) Gradually, this ceremony + party has started to resemble a more traditional wedding. It is not a bad thing, but it’s definitely hard to reconcile with what I initially wanted. I guess I just want to say, you’re not alone. 

And I think you can still have a lot of what you want in that space. I don’t think it demands grand decoration. Let the architecture speak for itself — it will regardless! — and keep your fabrics simple. Keep the lighting soft with candles and lanterns. But think about ways to make it a little more natural — trees/topiaries; low/soft/overflowing floral centerpieces, etc. Lots of ways to bring in that natural, romantic feel without going “rustic” with the mason jars and burlap, like you said. OR, to go in a totally different direction, some kind of awesome library feel — it reminds me a little of one of those beautiful reading rooms in the Boston Public Library! Lots of ways to avoid the “dramatic” feeling I know you’re balking at.

Post # 8
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you can do a “shabby chic” or “rustic glam” type wedding. I would think lace, flowers, candles, soft colors – romantically formal.

I think you can get the look you’re going for in the space you’re doing it in.

Post # 10
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jpr:  The ceilings are gorgeous! I definitely would not cover those up.

I still think that you do not have to let the venue entirely dictate the wedding. There are lots of lovely weddings with personal touches that are held in grand venues.

Post # 12
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

that room is AMAZING!!!! do not cover it up with something! for real that would be a travesty


however don’t think that you need to do all binged out gold accents either….. you can just have less formal place settings and flowers to tone it down. Also maybe get rid of the head table on a platform and do different table arrangements or something to get rid of that really formal feel as well


I like that second link above….


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