Advice on Braidesmaides

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Badmemories:  

what’s your relationship like with these ladies now? 

Post # 4
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Badmemories:  2008 is a long time ago to be holding a grudge about this. It’s long since past the time to move on. Bridesmaids should be people who you want to be there and who want to be there themselves. You chose poorly, but there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it now. Certainly not all BM/wedding experiences are like yours – my BMs were wonderful and I am really grateful that they were standing by me for my wedding.

 

Also, “The other always asks questions but never asks how i am or how is life. Just personal questions about my life and my family” doesn’t make any sense. 

Post # 5
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Six years is a very long time to remain this bitter.

“Dont make the mistake i did of choosing relatives who were so jealous they didnt even want to help me one bit in case i had a nice wedding.”

I hate it when people pull the jealousy card! How do you know they were jealous? Perhaps they weren’t interested in helping because they also have a life and they were focusing on that.

 It’s also not their responsibility to help you move in your dress. You should have chosen a more practical dress or asked for help.

I think it’s about time to get over this. Telling others not to have BMs because of this seems rather extreme.

Post # 6
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Badmemories:  Time to put this behind you and move on. Joining a website to vent about this 5-6 years later is not a good sign.

Post # 7
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It’s time to let it go. 

Post # 8
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Let it go, let it go….

Post # 9
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Badmemories:  Did you spell out your expectations for “help” on the day, and did they ever actually agree to provide this kind of help? Were these ladies kind, selfless, supportive and attentive friends to you BEFORE your wedding? If they were disinterested, selfish, jealous friends before, then that behavior would carry over into their behavior as bridesmaids and should not have come as a surprise. We all know not to expect our partners to change just because we get married…we shouldnt expect friends and family to change either just because we ask them to be a part of our wedding.

If these girls were always “busy,” not taking a genuine enough interest in your life to simply ask how you’re doing, and/or in fact jealous, then you’re right, the error was in your choice. I would be quicker to assume these girls simply were not as close friends/supporters as you thought they were before I would assume they were jealous. 

Especially with six years gone by, it’s time to write this off as a lesson learned and distance yourself from them. Maybe look into meeting some new people and looking out for people who behave more to your expectations on a regular basis.

Post # 10
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you are way overdue on letting this grudge go. They were bitchy to you six years ago — That sucks, but what are you really accomplishing by being upset? You’re married, I assume happy, so just drop it and move on. It happened, you were upset, time to put it to rest.

Post # 11
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It was six years ago. Move on with your life; the only one standing in your way is you.

Post # 12
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Seems like all you wanted from them was physical labor. Yes?

Post # 13
Member
6034 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly it doesn’t matter what the OP expected or what the bridesmaids expected. It’s been SIX years. Everyone needs to move on. Either everyone apologize to everyone else and try to be civil again or stop being friends. Bitching at each other over who owes who $12, or who didn’t carry whose dress, after six years is just silly. 

OP at this point the only one causing you to have bad memories of your wedding is you. time to let go.

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