- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I am in need of some advice! Fiance and I got engaged a couple months ago and we have been slowly but surely planning. Right now his parents are planning on contributing 2/3 of our wedding budget with mine giving 1/3. His parents are more well-off than mine, and he’s an only child so they want to make sure it’s special for their only son. I have two sisters and I’m the first to get married so mine are a little more hesitant to hand over the big bucks (not that they have much anyways).
Within the last year or two, my Future Mother-In-Law regained contact with one of her best friends from high school, whom we’ll call Brenda. It is my impression that they hadn’t spoken in many years but they reconnected and are as close now as ever. Neither Fiance nor I have met this woman. Brenda has several children who are married and from what I can tell, was very involved in the planning for their weddings. She is excited that her best friend’s son is getting married, so excited that she bought me a very nice wedding planning notebook and a wedding planning book. Of course I sent her a thank you email as this was a very sweet thing to do, especially since she’s never met us. It was so kind that Fiance and I decided to put Brenda and her husband on our invite list even though we don’t know her, just as a courtesy.
Yesterday I got an email from Brenda saying that she wants to throw me a bridal shower some time before our wedding. She lives in the same city as FI’s family (about 1.5 hours from where my family lives). I have been fairly outspoken to my bridesmaids, friends, and Fiance that I do not want a bridal shower. The thought of sitting there opening gifts in front of people for hours just does not appeal. I’ve never understood bridal showers…if I am not mistaken (which I may be), the only people who are invited to them are people who you are already inviting to the wedding, and those people are generally expected to give just one gift overall, not one for the bridal shower and one for the actual wedding. (I know that no one is “expected” to give a gift but I am just saying that to explain what I am thinking). Thus, you’re not going to get more gifts overall from doing a shower. I really don’t care a whole lot about gifts in the first place, which is probably why I reaaaallly don’t want to sit and open them in front of a ton of people.
I am pretty sure that this shower would be held in the same city where Brenda and FI’s family lives, ie, in a place where I don’t know hardly anyone well. When I saw the email I immediately thought “no way”. My dilemma is this…this is my FMIL’s best friend. Future Mother-In-Law is paying for 2/3 of the wedding. Would it be extremely rude of me to politely decline the shower? Would it be very offensive to Brenda and/or FMIL? Fiance understands why I don’t want to do it. He was going to talk to his mom about it but I told him to wait because I wanted to get the hive’s advice first.
I realize that it might simply seem like something for which I should just suck it up because hey, I’m getting presents. But I really think I would be miserable the entire time. I don’t want someone to spend their money and time putting on something that I really don’t want. So what should I do?
Thanks in advance for the advice!! 🙂