advice on my crazy in laws and our wedding!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

future.mrs.koban:  Although they sound like idiots, I would not make attendance at the wedding conditional on attending the shower.

This could be your FFIL’s first step to establishing some sort of relationship with you. Many an in-law has eventually come around to accept the relationship.

I think you have a right to ask anyone at the wedding who is misbehaving to leave, but I would plan ahead to decide who is actually going to do the asking and escorting the individual out of the venue.

Post # 4
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

They hate you. They don’t support your relationship. You don’t need those kinds of toxic people in your life; it might be better for everyone if they don’t attend the wedding OR the shower (I speak from experience on this one.)

 

However, if they are trying to put forth an olive branch – and it sounds like FFIL is, in his own way – then making their attendance at the wedding contingent on his attendance to the shower is incredibly destructive and pointless. In the grand scheme of things, a shower is meaningless. A wedding ceremony is not. Pick your battles.

Post # 5
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

future.mrs.koban:  Keep in mind that many people actually attend weddings because there will be so many family in attendance, so he’s not alone there. Not that they are not happy to be there for the bride and groom, but it is a reality that the family reunion aspect is there.

Personally I would not invite him to the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner unless your FI wants it.

Be the bigger and obviously better, person and be open to whatever may happen in the future.

Post # 8
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

That’s a conversation you need to have with your FI. What are your concerns? That they’ll say snitty things? That they’ll cause a giant scene? That they’ll get physically violent? What does your FI think about all of this? Is he on the fence about having them come?

 

Regardless of how it pans out, the #1 most important thing is that you and your FI are on the same page. If it’s just you vs. his family and he sides with his family … that could get ugly.

Post # 9
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

future.mrs.koban:  I don’t blame you for wanting to keep for FFIL away. It’s ok for people to use weddings as family reunions when they’re also haappy for the couple, but not when they’re massive assholes like that. I say get security to keep him out of your wedding.

Post # 13
Member
35 posts
Newbee

future.mrs.koban:  thats annoying. ive had to battle a SO’s mother before and its not fun. just remember you’re marrying your guy, not his parents. if he wants them there, try and support that though. have someone on the lookout, like you said, to keep things cool. 

have you ever tried having a heart to heart with them? they may not like you, but im sure they love their son and maybe you guys can agree to be civil atleast for him. that workecd for  me.

Post # 15
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

You both have to present a united front (which I think you are already doing) and stick to it.

Your fiance needs to be firm and clear with his parents. I would suggest that if your FFIL want to come to the wedding he must apologise fully to you.  There is no excuse for his behaviour and he needs to make amends.

I would also say that you are not putting a wedge between your future in laws and your FI.  They are doing this all on their own.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  .
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