Post # 1
Sorry this is so long, but I’d welcome any advice…
The issue is FI only wants my brother and his cousin (2), and I have decided to include his sister and my brother’s fiancee (neither of whom I’m particularly close with, and neither of whom will help me with any wedding related things, but both of which I’ve been told are required to keep peace in the family). But I’d really like to include close friends of my own. The problem is that I don’t have one BFF: I have two close friends from middle school, two close friends from college (all of whom do not live in the same state as me nor in the state the wedding will be held in, but who I feel very close with and think would be lifelong friends) and a close friend whom I actually see almost every day.
My #1 goal is not to make anyone mad at me, and I feel like just going with relatives works great (no friends can be hurt if its just SIL). However, I really would like 1) to have someone I’m really close to be with me on my wedding day and 2) to have some help planning the wedding.
1) How many BMs would you have, if there were 2 GM? I’m more concerned with hurting feelings than photos, but I also don’t want to have 7 BM:2 GM
2) If I do only have 2 BM (keep FI happy, etc.) how can I make it clear to my friends that they’re really special to me, and I consider them lifelong friends? I’ve seen mention of readers, etc. What have you done about this?
3) If I do only have 2 BM, can I still ask friends for help in wedding planning? What would you consider reasonable? (I really need help on things like choosing colors and aesthetics, not my strength)
4) Same as (3) I guess, but if I choose just 1 or 2 friends how do I make sure no one’s feelings are hurt? Not that people are necessarily expecting, but if someone knows we’re close friends, has heard me talk a lot about the wedding, and went dress shopping with me, I feel like she’s probably atleast thought of it.
Post # 3
1) I think it’s crap that you have to include two people you wouldn’t otherwise. In your case, I would have 5. I know that’s probably easier said than done, but that’s how I feel about it.
2) Tell them your situation, and tell them what you’ve told us already. You care about them deeply, but weddings involve a lot of negotiating among family and to keep the peace you can’t do the bridal party how you would otherwise.
3) I think it would be fine to ask for help/advice from them on ideas. It might be too much to have them doing specific tasks unless they offer to help.
4) See #2
Post # 4
I think you should really pick the people who are close to you and who you want standing up for you, regardless of your family obligations. It really isn’t a problem having a lot more BM’s than GM’s. When my BFF got married she had 4 BM’s plus one junior BM, while her hubby had only one GM.
That said, if you do decide against having your friends as BM’s, you could try saying you are limiting the wedding party to family (except, with respect to your brother’s fiancee, this isn’t technically true) – their feelings may still be hurt, but maybe not. And it would absolutely be okay to ask them for their opinions during the planning process – they are your friends, after all. But if they were hoping you would ask them to stand up for you, and their feelings are a little hurt, you may not want to bombard them with wedding talk all the time…
Post # 5
@elleish8705: As for 3) Hang out on weddingbee. You’ll get tons of advice on colors and opinions on dresses and anything you could think of thats even vaguely wedding related. We love answering questions like that here :). But you can of course still talk with your friends about the wedding and ask for their advice, just make sure you’re spending as much time asking about their lives so they don’t think you’re wedding crazy.
Post # 6
First, I’d wait until like 6 to 9 months away from your wedding before making anything official. People change, relationships change, and weddings bring out the crazy in everyone.
Second, just have uneven sides. It’s not the end of the world, and you’re right: you should be more concerned about feelings than photos. Uneven sides will NOT make your marriage invalid, I promise 🙂