- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
Hello Bees! I am pretty early into the wedding planning process, but I am sensing a pattern that I would like to stop NOW. My mother is…a character. She is prone to playing the victim and she enjoys stirring up drama, to put it simply. When I started wedding planning, I thought it would be nice to share some of my ideas with her in hopes that we could become closer, but she has been either negative or oddly selfish about the plans. For example, when she suggested we have a small engagement party, I thought that was very sweet of her, and completely out of character. Later she says, “Well, you already know his family, so let’s only invite our side of the family.” Ummm, what? Sorry, but I would rather not exclude my in-laws! Later, she mentions the bridal shower, and says she wants to have it at her work and not include my future ILs. I didn’t know what to say, since it is obviously many months away and not even her responsibility to plan, but without female guests from FI’s side, there would probably be five people there. And now FI and I are trying to find a good venue, and she suggested a place FAR from the his side, when really we would like a place in the middle, which I mentioned.
In the past I made the mistake of venting about my FSIL to her, which now she uses to rile me up and actually says things to try and make me more upset. She also says a lot of rude, racist things about FI’s family, and stereotypes them. I have learned NOT to engage her in these conversations, at ALL.
Now, I realize this doesn’t sound like the end of the world, but I witnessed her pout through my brother’s entire wedding weekend because she wasn’t getting enough attention! When my family met my SIL’s family for the first time at a dinner, she sat at the end of the table and sulked and refused to talk to anyone. This also happened at the wedding reception. I know I should probably ignore her, but since its still early I was hoping you Bees would have some advice for maybe turning around this negative pattern. Thank you and love!