Advice on small wedding guest list and my full on grandmother

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t think you should tell her at all that is my opinion. If you don’t mention anything wedding related than she can’t have a say in the wedding. Just sent her an invite and she will find out who will be at the wedding the day of the wedding. If she gets mad oh well its your day not hers. 

Post # 3
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Bored6:  +1. Don’t even tell her you’re inviting FH’s uncle. Simply tell her (if she asks) that you’re inviting siblings, grandparents and a very small number of close friends. She doesn’t need to know that one of the close friends is an uncle.

Post # 4
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I agree with PP. I had to cut out a lot of family and it was hard and people tried to pressure me into inviting more. I finally had to put my foot down and say that I love everyone, but I want to spend the day with those I am closest to. I don’t think you should have to explain yourself (I didn’t. I just said it’s a super small party). Explain yourself to no one. I know you love her, but unless she’s paying, she has no say. I haven’t shared details with anyone, because no one is helping pay. If they ask, I just say I’m trying to surprise all my guests with all the hard work I’m putting in. 🙂 

Post # 5
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

minimalistbee:  Are you paying for your wedding?  If so, you get to say who attends.  If your nan is paying she gets to decide the guest list.  If you are paying WHY would you need to discuss this at all?  I agree with Bored6:  and aussiemum1248:  

Post # 8
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

Oooh a WA Bee! My DH is from WA and I moved here to be with him from over east as well. I did have some extended family who were unhappy that we didn’t get married in my old home town. To those people I said “Can you imagine how difficult it would be for me to plan a wedding over that distance? Besides, WA is my home now, I want to get married where we’re building a future.”

I found during my wedding that it is amazing the amount of resistance some family will put up UNTIL you start pushing back, and then they tend to back off because there’s nowhere for them go.

I agree that I wouldn’t talk about this with your grandmother. If she brings it up, tell her that you set a guest limit due to both budgetary costs and because you both want a small wedding and you’ve made your minds up. You’ve split the guest list fairly and let your FI choose who he wanted to invite.

You could also tell her that you don’t want the wedding to be big because you hate the whole wedding industry complex and you think that these expectations are ridiculous in this day and age. Might not be true but I find older people don’t always know what to say when you talk that way 😉

Post # 9
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

minimalistbee:  So? Don’t tell her the guest list, and when she seems him at the wedding it’s too late.

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