Post # 1
Hi everyone. I’ve spent quite a bit of time on here and have really benefitted from all the great advice, comments, and ideas. I am reaching out to the hive for some much-needed advice regarding my brother.
16 years ago when I was in high school, my brother was in a horrible motorcycle accident and sustained massive head trauma. He’s been in a nursing home/rehab facility since that time. My brother has not been around for any of my milestones all these years, but it is particularly heart wrenching that he is not going to see me get married. I’ve decided not to have a bridal party since my own brother will not be standing by my side.
I was wondering if you have some ideas on ways I can honor him at the wedding so that I feel he is part of my day. There is always a gaping hole at all family events because he is not there. I know it’s going to be that much worse at my own wedding, especially for my parents.
I plan on attaching his picture to my bouquet and listing him in the wedding program, perhaps with a note. I am open to any ideas and thanks in advance. I’m looking forward to your comments.
Post # 3
I’m sorry to hear this. My brother was an avid guitar player and LOVED to play. I always told him i wanted him to play while i walked down the aisle. Well, he was in a car accident about a year before i got married and passed away. So i ended up with an acoustic guitar CD playing instead. Were there any hobbies or things your brother particularly liked?
Post # 4
I have seen this also done with special alter flowers, in a contrasting color with the program message being “the three white roses on the alter are in honor of those who could not be with us today” and the names listed.
My father died of cancer when I was 20. When I was born he bought me a dozen red roses ’cause he said a father should be the first man to buy his daughter flowers. The next man to buy me a dozen red roses was my DH the first time he told me he loved me. My wedding flowers were all red roses in honor of my Dad, and I put the story of why in the program.
The touches you’ve suggested are very good as well as tying in something he likes with your wedding theme. Also I know of a girl who had the clergy from the nursing home “marry” her & her FI, complete with tux and gown, in front of a family member (her father) who was not able to attend the ceremony himself. I don’t know if that is an option with your brother’s situation.
Post # 5
Thank you both for sharing your stories with me and I’m sorry for your losses.
My brother was only 20 when he had his accident. He was really into fitness and travel, but I’m not sure how to incorporate those things. I just want a reminder at my wedding that although he is not physically there that day, he is with me always. Unfortunately, for a lot of people in my family, it has been out of sight, out of mind.
I want to go to my brother’s nursing home the day of the wedding and take pictures but am not sure it can be done given the logistics. It is not close to my hometown church or reception site. We may have to do that on another day.
I appreciate your suggestions.
Post # 6
Could you incorporate something healthy/fitness related into your favor? Did your brother have a favorite cookie or something of that nature and you can include a sweet little tag on the baggie? I feel ya on the out of sight thing….not cool =(
Post # 7
@ejs4y8 – I was thinking about some kind of chocolate at each place setting, so perhaps I can tie in something about my brother. That’s a good idea.
Family is difficult but I can’t control what others do, only my own reactions. At least that’s what I try to remind myself.
Post # 8
I don’t know if you planned on doing this, but maybe you could incorporate him in a slide show? I have seen people have slideshows at the reception of the bride and groom through the years and you could include pictures of you with your brother, both when you were younger and since his accident.
I know you said you were getting married in a church, but do you have any control over the ceremony? We are including a part in our ceremony remembering loved ones who have passed away and couldn’t be with us at the wedding.
I’m so sorry that your brother won’t be able to be at your wedding, and that people in your family like to act like he doesn’t exist. That sounds so painful.
Post # 9
Our Moose (baby) died in December and we got engaged in April, which we weren’t going to do until Moose was old enough to participate. The reason I’m saying that is Moose was supposed to be at our wedding just like your brother. To show that we haven’t forgotten, as I feel some have, our baby, we’re having our officiant say a quick thing about how we miss Moose and wish that Moose was there. What about something like that?
I do like everyone’s ideas. I love what both @ejs4y8 and @puppymom2006 did.
Post # 10
@chocolatemalt: I wasn’t plannning on a slideshow at the reception. I have been to rehearsal dinners/weddings that have had them and some of them are really touching.
I don’t have any control over the church ceremony but at the end the priest usually says something about and also to the bride and groom. I was actually planning on having my priest say something then. My priest knows the situation well (my family is very religious) and I think he will do a good job incorporating something about my brother.
I’m trying to include my brother in ways that will remind me that he is with me even if he can’t physically be there. Even though it has been so long, I find myself having an unbelievably hard time knowing that he won’t be there on that day.
Post # 11
@TheFutureMcBride: That’s wonderful and something I will be doing as well.
Post # 12
Oh, that would be such a hard situation! Maybe you could visit him for brunch the day of the wedding or perhaps the day after? But as for the wedding, the other bees have wonderful ideas. Did you two ever have any special songs growing up or favorite movies that you could incorporate into the reception? Like my brother and I were always Dopey and Snow White when we were little, and he’s glad that now my prince has come 🙂
Best of luck and lots of love!