Post # 1
My fiancee and I are not particularly religious. I used to be pretty strongly Catholic, but my views no longer mesh with those of the Church. So we don’t have an officiant for the ceremony. We interviewed a UU minister yesterday, and it was so obvious that we would be married by a stranger. Not my idea of a dream wedding. So what is our other option?
I know we could have a friend or family member do it, but the thought of developing our own ceremony is ovewhelming. Has anyone else done this? Where did you start? I can’t imagine it. We could just do the UU minister but I don’t want to look back on my wedding and think, “Who was that person that wed us…” Or will this maybe not matter once it’s done?
Post # 3
We were going to have someone we know get ordained for our wedding, but ended up feeling like it was too much pressure on him. Our venue arranged for a minister to marry us, since we are in the same situation and not at all religious. I don’t think it will matter in 20 years anyway 🙂
Post # 4
@pinkkillersheep: meet with the officiant at least once and then they won’t be a stranger!
Post # 5
@pinkkillersheep: If you want a friend to do it, then you can use an existing ceremony as a blueprint and tweak it to be more you. If you want to use a “stranger” just try to take some time to sit down with them and get to know them. Lots of ministers like to do premarital counselling.
Post # 6
Neither FI nor I follow any organized religion. We met with two officiants our wedding planner found, and you can find a ton on weddingwire or other websites. We met with the first one, and instantly felt like she was wonderful, and there was no one who could be better at officiating our ceremony. And then we met with the second, and we had been leaning towards a woman, but we liked him even better! Just by a tiny tiny bit, but it was enough. I suggest you meet with at least two professional officiants before trying to get a friend to do it, you might be surprised by how nice it is to have this person experienced with the love and importance of ceremonies there to guide you through, even if you never see them again. Hire a good one with the right vibe for you & your FI and they won’t feel like a stranger so much as a guide, and they won’t get your names wrong 😛
Whatever you decide, good luck!
PS: Of the two officiants we met with, one was a Justice of the Peace, and the other was a “Reverend” who was basically a hippie with a background in Buddhism
Post # 7
Thanks, maybe we just didn’t interview the right person. I wasn’t sold on using a professional officiant or minister at all, but hoped I would have that kind of “This person is perfect!” moment. I got really discouraged when the minister we met with was just focused on ceremony details and logistics. She didn’t seem interested in getting to know us (hence the “stranger” feeling).
Post # 8
I’d meet with a few JPs and see who you click with. I definitely think you can find someone who will make you feel comfortable.
Post # 9
My officiant is a retired judge. As opposed to a justice of the peace, I feel he is more willing to be creative with the ceremony and not stick to the legal wording, all while respecting our wishes for a non-religious ceremony.
On his website he has tons of sample ceremonies that we can use for inspiration/modify. This gave us a great starting point. Maybe it can be helpful for you to plan your ceremony so that you can still have a family member or friend marry you. http://tgarmstrong.com/