- 6 years ago
I’ll try and make this short.
A 2 year 4 month relationship. Living together for 1 year and 3 months. Spoke about marriage and children (brought up by him) at 3 months. He’s a procrastinator, I’m not.
Had a good chat last October with me asking for a timeline to get engaged last year and married this year, also I want to buy a house this year. Engagement didn’t happen – weak excuse that he misunderstood what I meant.
I upped the game and explained that I don’t feel he’s serious – he took me out ring shopping about a month or so ago. Nothing since.
Last Friday we had an argument. I feel he blew it up way out of proportion and we’ve had fiery words on several occasions since. I feel he was trying to get me to break up with him.
When I called his bluff, he said he didn’t want to split up.
Yesterday he took me on a day out as a way of us spending time together and also to have a good chat about things.
He says: he feels I don’t trust him (he has lied to me once in the past), that I’m critical and too confrontational for his liking. He wants me to stop being so confrontational and trust him and believes I have a hangover from my past.
I say: I want him to stop going off the deep end as a way of avoiding talking about things, and to calm down and learn to communicate better. Also I said we have talked about engagement etc for long enough and it’s time to put your money where your mouth is (I’m 34 nearly and he’s 37).
Conclusion: he says he wants to marry me and have children but is aware he has been procrastinating and is dreading planning the wedding as my sis got married last year and my parents were a nightmare over it – nearly everyone fell out and I had to deal with the fallout. He also says he doesn’t want us to get married with the ‘problems’ we have, and that he wants to commit to making a real effort for the next month, then we can talk marriage etc.
I have advised him to think about his anger issue, and that there are things he needs to do. But I explained that I have no hesitation in wanting to forge ahead with engagement.
All this is making me uncomfortable. My gut feeling is he is unsure I am the right person, and isn’t brave enough to walk away right now but thinks that if things can be ‘perfect’ for a month then I am the right one.
Does anyone have suggestions for options here? I’m uncomfortable waiting a month for what I feel like is an evaluation. I feel like he should already be sure and is delaying something inevitable.