(Closed) Death in the family…while waiting

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fiestapotato:  When is your deadline?  And, did you set this deadline with your bf? 

I think 6 years is a long time, too.  I know some couples wait 6 or 7 years to get married which is fine but that is because their situation calls for that. 

I don’t think there is anything else left for you to do.  You have already told your bf what you want.  You will have to wait for the proposal.

Post # 4
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry for your loss.

It’s tough to not have loved ones at your wedding.  This is true whether they passed away years ago or a mere month and a half before you say your vows.

I’d suggest trying to seperate your feelings about waiting from the loss of your grandmother.  Your grandmother knew that you loved her, right?  She knew that you love your bf and that the two of you are  happy together, right?  I’ve learned that people who love us want to share the big life events, but even more, they want us to be happy.

If your bf had rushed his timing so a loved one could enjoy the engagement, there might be future issues of resentment on his part – and you might have felt slighted if he just said “Here’s a ring, marry me, would ya?  Let’s go tell people now.”

The death of your grandmother is still quite recent; your emotions are understandably running high.  This might not be the best time to talk to your boyfriend about how much you wish the two of you had made an additional committment before you lost your grandmother. 

If you feel more than sadness that your grandmother didn’t get to hear the story of your proposal, if there is anger about the drawn out dating, that’s probably worth talking about; eventually.  IF you decide that it’s mostly a feeling of loss, then a simple statement to him “I wish Gram had been able to hear about this/be here” will probably go a long way to help you, and won’t automatically seem like you’re mad at him.

Post # 5
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry to hear about your grandma… it’s never easy especially when you start having those feelings of resentment over her not seeing you get engaged.  I felt the same way when my grandma passed away last year, and it still makes me sad that she wasn’t here when my Fiance finally proposed.

Perhaps in the next little while you could speak to your boyfriend about your feelings.  If you really help him see that you don’t blame him or want him to feel guilty, it will probably make you feel better and bring you closer together.  It may also make him start to think about people in his own life.

For instance, shortly before my Fiance proposed, he was talking to his parents and they mentioned how they thought his grandma (who is 95 and really slowing down) was just holding on to see us engaged/married.  He proposed not long after than, and I think a big part of the reason he didn’t wait longer (he had originally been planning to wait a few more months) was that he wanted her to be around to see it.

Again I’m sorry that your grandma won’t be there to see you get engaged, but from the sounds of it it’s just a matter of time for you and your boyfriend so hopefully she knew that.

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