Post # 1
I’m sad to even be having this conversation, BUT I need advice. My best friend and I haven’t been as close as we have been in the past over the last year, but when I told her I was engaged she threw a huge fit saying she better be Maid/Matron of Honor. So, she is (actually I have 2).
However, now, I’m doubting even letting her be involved from this point on. I’m make this short, here are my issues:
1. She knew before even agreeing we are having the wedding out-of-state and now she says she def won’t make the rehearsal and she’s not sure how they (her kids are also in the wedding) are going to get there. She’s thinking about flying in the day of and wants me to pick her up from the airport, a 2 hour drive from the wedding, so she doesn’t have to rent a car.
2. She was complaining about a bridal shower she was going to, so I asked her if we were going to be doing one and her response was “do we have to?”
3. She got upset when I said I’m not paying for their plane tickets, her dress and her kids’ outfits. She thought I should.
4. She showed up 45 minutes late to my appointment to find a dress and got mad that I was upset about it.
5. One of the bridesmaids does hair and offered to do everyones the day of, so of course I said yes (she’s the only one who touches my hair anyway) and Maid/Matron of Honor said she doesn’t want her to do it and wants me to find someone else to do hers, she won’t even let her do a trial to show her she’s capable.
There are a few more things, but these are the major ones. I don’t know what to do 🙁 I have a couple friends who aren’t even in the bridal party, who have been way more supportive than she has.
Post # 3
@cml: i’m always weird about suggesting someone be demoted but she’s definitely being a royal PITA. I don’t really have any advice, but she doesn’t sound like Maid/Matron of Honor material.
Post # 4
I would say, hey look I don’t want my wedding to be a burden on you, and I still want you to be in the party but feel like the role of Maid/Matron of Honor is too much on you…
Post # 5
@cml: Yeah, give her an easy out. Let her know your expectations and then give her a way to bow out gracefully.
Post # 7
I’m sorry . . . but she wants YOU to pick her up from the airport . . . as the BRIDE on YOUR wedding day?? That is absolutely ridiculous. A Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be there to make your life easier, not harder! If it were me I’d tell her, “It’s my wedding and these are the way things are going to be so that the day will go as smoothly as possible (the hair dresser, airport). If you can’t just step up and support me here I don’t know how you are going to stand up for me as a maid of honor.” Easier typed than said, I know. It doesn’t sound like she’s been supportive while planning either, especially after guilting you into making her Maid/Matron of Honor. What were her reasons she would make such a great MOH? Maybe bring that up to her and ask if that has truly been the case. If it were me, I wouldn’t even find someone to take her spot. Uneven sides are not a big deal at all.
So sorry she is making things more difficult for you!!
Post # 8
@cml: Whoa. She’s being a brat. She doesn’t really sound like she wants to be in your bridal part, much less Maid/Matron of Honor.
I think you need to have a talk with her about her expectations, and provide an easy out during that conversation.
No bride picks anyone up from the airport the day of their wedding; especially to the tune of a 4 hour round trip. She needs to rent a damn car. Also, she thought you’d pay for her dress/kids’ clothing/transportation? Has she never been in a wedding?
The being late for the dress appointment is disappointing, and it’s weird that she felt the right to be mad. As for a shower, I would be very sad if I heard that response. Perhaps your other girls or mom can pick up the ball on that one?
The hair thing would be the last straw for me.
Post # 9
I normally am very against the whole “demote from MOH/BM” thing – but she is being very unreasonable in this case (particularly with the airport pick up and hair thing.)
I would sit her down and talk to her about this, give her a chance to explain her side, and you explain yours. If you can’t come to a mutual agreement, then I would offer her a different role like a reading or something similar. She might be upset, but you said you were not that close anyway, so I would just move on and not let it stress you out.
Post # 10
@LilRhodyGem: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I know that if I ask her to step down she’ll just say she doesn’t want to be in it then, which is fine.
@DomesticDiva: Yes! She was just a bridesmaid in another wedding, maybe a month ago.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
Maybe the other wedding left such a bad taste in her mouth that she doesn’t even REALIZE she’s being so inconsiderate for yours? I’m probably grabbing at straws I just feel bad you’re in this situation.
I agree with PP’s, at this point you do have to put your foot down a little and say “this is what I can and cannot do” and then sort of leave it up to her if she stays Maid/Matron of Honor. I honestly cannot BELIEVE she thought you would drive FOUR hours on YOUR wedding day!!! I would be really tempted to reply “Oh sure I could pick you up! Oh, wait, I forgot, I need to get my hair and makeup done and in my dress because I’M THE DAMN BRIDE.” That sounded really “zilla-y” but seriously… when does she think you would be able to get ready around doing that for her?!
Post # 12
Shes the worst Maid/Matron of Honor ever. Sorry you have to deal with this. Do what the PP said!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I’d just refuse all of her bratty requests, and tell her you’re sorry, but if she isn’t happy she can step down.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I don’t think this woman even sounds like friend material. I don’t have time for people like that.
Post # 15
@cml: Well, dang. Maybe her experience was especially disenchanting. Though, I suspect this behavior has been occurring for longer than the month or so since that other wedding.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
Clearify your expectations:
“1. I have other things going on my wedding day and there is no way I’ll be able to pick you up. (period)
2. Yes. I have to have a bridal shower.
3. Plane tickets, dress, and your kids’ outfits are your responsiblity. (period)
4. As the Maid/Matron of Honor, you should be at every event 10 mins early.
5. Get your hair done by my girl, or pay for your own hair. (period!)”
She is unreasonable.
And people wonder why we can be such “bridzillas”
You did this to us!
Send he to the Knot where she can see all of her responsibilities 🙂