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Is there any way you can just go for two or three days? I know it would be annoying to fly that far and then turn around and practically fly right back, but you would be able to save yourself $ from having 2 - 3 less nights at the resort...
Would it be possible to compromise and stay at a nearby (less-expensive) hotel, perhaps for less days as well? Personally I found that around 4-5 weeks before my wedding things had calmed down a lot and I was really just waiting for the really last minute things (RSVPs back so I could make the seating chart, etc).
If you are really concerned about paying for your wedding (and honeymoon!) I would be honest and let the couple know you would love to have dinner with them when they return (or whatever you want to do), but you won't be able to make it to the wedding. Good friends should understand.
@Farfromachildbride: We could go for a shorter time and save $300 for a 3 night stay, but the money we'd save isn't much. The quoted trip price is for a package so I'm not sure we could shorten the stay. I can't get past the total cost knowing it will impact the honeymoon we'll be able to take.
I know this sucks but would it be better, financially, if just your FH went? I think everyone will understand if neither of you go, since that is a major cost to incur right before your wedding. I don't think anyone will paint you as a Bridezilla but it's def disappointing on your side, bc it sounds like a super-fun time!
@EvaBostonTerrier: No nearby hotels. It's the only resort within 45 minutes. Part of the reason we picked the resort - oops.
If we went to Mexico, we couldn't afford a wedding gift. I'd rather give the couple a generous gift since they would greatly appreciate help feathering their nest. Great idea about dinner. I thought it'd be lovely to take them out to dinner or host a small reception for them when they return.
@trailmix: It would save $600 in airfare if FH went. Room rate ($1,300) wouldn't change. Trip cost would be close to $2k. It's got to be FH's decision. I don't want him to regret not going.
The bride has also hinted there won't be a photographer and would really love if it we could both make it. Guess I'm shooting it?
Don't go. It is a very hard decision to make, and you WOULD go, IF your OWN wedding weren't a month away, but you CAN'T and the couple will totally understand. End of sory. Tell them NOW. Don't wait until their RSVP's are due to write you guys won't be coming, like some of our friends who knew they had trips planned during our wedding did. Why do people WAIT to send rsvp's in, full well knowing if they sent it in earlier you could ask more guests!! IF the couple doesn't understand, then they weren't your friends to begin with.
Add on -- If he is asked to be a groomsman, he will have to say "no." Encourage him to be firm and say how much he would really like to, but that he will have to decline. Discuss it now, so when it comes up, he will feel comfortable about his decision. After all you will need the $ to have nice flowers and music for YOUR day. When it really comes down to it, most people are terrible selfish about themselves and their wedding day. ME, me me.............and then when yours rolls around, they vanish, or don't have the $ or a host of other things. Taking such an expensive trip before your wedding is not feasable and does not make sound financial sense. Ok, I'm off my soap box.
$1300 for a room for 5 nights? That's crazy even if it includes meals for two.
However, there are a couple of reasons I would say suck it up and go. First, you are clearly among the couple's closest friends. It's pretty sad when you're a bride and your close friends won't come (obviously you can so I don't say can't), and even sadder when it's a really small wedding to start with. Second, the month before your wedding isn't as hectic as you think and getting away will let you stop thinking about things that aren't going to change.
If you know the bride well enough I would tell her your financial concerns and suggest that (assuming you're a pro photographer) you would love to take the photos if they can help you out with some of the cost of the room. Personally, I don't care about the gifts, but I do care if my friends come to my wedding. Or maybe the bride is a photographer or baker or something else and can contribute to your wedding that way, saving you money that you can spend to go to her wedding.
If both of you felt the same way it'd be totally alright to just tell the couple you can't go for finacial reasons. BUT it does make it more complicated that your FI really wants to go. I think in that case you should just suck it up and go. If he doesn't get to go to his good friend's wedding I'm sure he will regret it for a long time and his hard feelings wouldn't be good to have right before your own wedding. Maybe you can try to stay in a different hotel or have a shorter day. It seems like there's really nothing more to do..
Thanks girls. I appreciate the objective input. It's a tough decision and you came up with some good points. FI and I have looked at it from all angles... since it's not just a money or timing thing. Fingers crossed the economy improves (both have commission-based jobs in same industry) and we're able to pull it off.
Are you sure you can't get the plane tickets for less? Travel agencies aren't always the cheapest. For example, I just searched Orbitz for flights from Baltimore to Cancun, May 4-May 9 2011, and came up with a price of $309/person, taxes & fees included. I just guessed on some of the details, but I have a feeling that you can get those plane ticket prices down.
@torybrian: Oooh, good idea. We're flying out of Philly, but it doesn't change the fare too much. Plane tickets have gone down ($475) but the room rates are up ($300+) so I'm definitely price shopping. (When we extended our stay by 2 days, the hotel, internet and travel agent had a broad range of prices so I know there is wiggle room.)
I'm going to be gray by the time June 2011 rolls around!
The boyfriend and I are getting married in the States on August 28, and we have both spent the entire summer in the Middle East (different countries) and won't be getting back until two weeks before the wedding. It might be a tad insane, but I think we will still end up getting everything done.
So...if you can afford it, I say go!
It sounds like she is expecting you to cover your own travel costs and then shoot her wedding for free as well. Not cool. I would suggest letting her know that you can't afford the trip, but that you would be willing to try to make it work if she would like to pay you as her photographer. She would never expect a hired photographer to pay his own travel so why should she expect you to?
I would have a talk with the bride and groom as soon as possible. Explain the situation and see if you can do something else for them beforehand (host a party? big gift?). That way you can see what really is most important for them
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Fiance's close friend (and former roommate) and his fiance have decided on a destination wedding in Mexico. Originally it was St. Lucia, but they thankfully changed locations after they found out how expensive the flights were. After asking many friends for their opinion, they came up with Mexico.
It is a destination wedding for several reasons, all of which I understand and support. They have small families and do not want certain immediate family members attending. Both have social anxieties and are limiting the guest list to 20. And finances would be the final reason they are holding it in Mexico over a destination US location.
What I am having trouble with is the logistics of attending and paying for a destination wedding one month prior to our wedding. As much as I'd like to think I'll have everything squared away one month out, I know last minute stuff will come up. Spending five days in a tropical location would be relaxing, if I wasn't worrying about my own wedding back home. The issue is mostly money - isn't it always? Oh, read on.
The wedding resort is actually where we vacationed 2 years ago. Our travel agent got us a fantastic vacation that we might not have been able to afford otherwise since the resort had just opened. We loved it and shared photos with family and friends. Two years later, his fiance asks me for information on the particulars of our Mexico trip after nixing St. Lucia. Then nothing. Eager to find out something about this mystery wedding, I ask her about it last week. I find out not only will it be at Expensive Resort, but she plans to have the bridal party's rooms next to each other... and how nice it will be for us to be so close to them. Apparently, my fiance is one of the groomsmen, but neither of them has broached the topic with him. She's hoping they have their wedding date available. Hoping? Why not contact them to be sure and reserve it?
My wonderful fiance follows up the next business day with our travel agent for a quote. For 5 nights and airfare, we'll need approximately $2,500. (More than our previous vacation cost.) Fiance very much wants to attend his good friend's wedding. I would love to go too. The resort is gorgeous and we'd have a blast with the other guests -- friends who are married with children, excited for a trip without the kids, and do not have a wedding the following month to pay for.
We're still saving money for our wedding and based on current projections, don't have the money for basic elements (music or flowers). And our honeymoon isn't included in the budget. It'll be whatever we have left over. So I can't fathom spending $2,500 to attend their wedding (which didn't have to be in Mexico or at Expensive Resort). I'm being reasonable but can't help feel like I'll be painted a Bridezilla.