(Closed) Advice please: attending destination wedding 1 month before our wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Is there any way you can just go for two or three days?  I know it would be annoying to fly that far and then turn around and practically fly right back, but you would be able to save yourself $ from having 2 – 3 less nights at the resort…

Post # 4
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Would it be possible to compromise and stay at a nearby (less-expensive) hotel, perhaps for less days as well?  Personally I found that around 4-5 weeks before my wedding things had calmed down a lot and I was really just waiting for the really last minute things (RSVPs back so I could make the seating chart, etc).  

If you are really concerned about paying for your wedding (and honeymoon!) I would be honest and let the couple know you would love to have dinner with them when they return (or whatever you want to do), but you won’t be able to make it to the wedding.  Good friends should understand.

Post # 6
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I know this sucks but would it be better, financially, if just your FH went? I think everyone will understand if neither of you go, since that is a major cost to incur right before your wedding.  I don’t think anyone will paint you as a Bridezilla but it’s def disappointing on your side, bc it sounds like a super-fun time!

 

Post # 9
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Don’t go. It is a very hard decision to make, and you WOULD go,  IF your OWN wedding weren’t a month away, but you CAN’T and the couple will totally understand. End of sory. Tell them NOW. Don’t wait until their RSVP’s are due to write you guys won’t be coming, like some of our friends who knew they had trips planned during our wedding did. Why do people WAIT to send rsvp’s in, full well knowing if they sent it in earlier you could ask more guests!! IF the couple doesn’t understand, then they weren’t your friends to begin with.

Post # 10
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Add on — If he is asked to be a groomsman, he will have to say “no.” Encourage him to be firm and say how much he would really like to, but that he will have to decline. Discuss it now, so when it comes up, he will feel comfortable about his decision. After all you will need the $ to have nice flowers and music for YOUR day. When it really comes down to it, most people are terrible selfish about themselves and their wedding day. ME, me me………….and then when yours rolls around, they vanish, or don’t have the $ or a host of other things. Taking such an expensive trip before your wedding is not feasable and does not make sound financial sense. Ok, I’m off my soap box.

Post # 11
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

$1300 for a room for 5 nights? That’s crazy even if it includes meals for two.

However, there are a couple of reasons I would say suck it up and go. First, you are clearly among the couple’s closest friends. It’s pretty sad when you’re a bride and your close friends won’t come (obviously you can so I don’t say can’t), and even sadder when it’s a really small wedding to start with. Second, the month before your wedding isn’t as hectic as you think and getting away will let you stop thinking about things that aren’t going to change.

If you know the bride well enough I would tell her your financial concerns and suggest that (assuming you’re a pro photographer) you would love to take the photos if they can help you out with some of the cost of the room. Personally, I don’t care about the gifts, but I do care if my friends come to my wedding. Or maybe the bride is a photographer or baker or something else and can contribute to your wedding that way, saving you money that you can spend to go to her wedding.

Post # 12
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

If both of you felt the same way it’d be totally alright to just tell the couple you can’t go for finacial reasons. BUT it does make it more complicated that your FI really wants to go. I think in that case you should just suck it up and go. If he doesn’t get to go to his good friend’s wedding I’m sure he will regret it for a long time and his hard feelings wouldn’t be good to have right before your own wedding. Maybe you can try to stay in a different hotel or have a shorter day. It seems like there’s really nothing more to do..

Post # 14
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Are you sure you can’t get the plane tickets for less? Travel agencies aren’t always the cheapest. For example, I just searched Orbitz for flights from Baltimore to Cancun, May 4-May 9 2011, and came up with a price of $309/person, taxes & fees included. I just guessed on some of the details, but I have a feeling that you can get those plane ticket prices down. 

Post # 16
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The boyfriend and I are getting married in the States on August 28, and we have both spent the entire summer in the Middle East (different countries) and won’t be getting back until two weeks before the wedding.  It might be a tad insane, but I think we will still end up getting everything done.  

So…if you can afford it, I say go!  

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