- 4 years ago
Just need a little help/advice. Sorry If I ramble but just have alot going on in my head.
My boyfriend and I have been together 4.5 years and have lived together for more than that (we got really close and got together in a house share). We moved into our own place just over 3.5 years ago. He is 30 and I am 26 and both in secure full time jobs.
Anyways, for my bf’s 30th birthday present I got him a holiday to his dream and ultimate location. We are now due to fly in 2 weeks and I am mega excited about the holiday. It is our first real holiday away together in 3 years (apart from weekends away with friends). Whilst I am hugely excited I can’t help but feel a little nervous. I know he won’t propose. I am convinced he won’t. I am certain he won’t, like 99.99% sure he won’t. However, that 0.01% is starting to nag away at me. I can’t help but feel “why not?” “why wouldn’t he?” “it would be the perfect time!” – I am just worried that come the end of the holiday I will get upset, spoil the holiday and make him feel guilty – which is the last thing I want.
I just guess I need a little help and advice on how to handle the dissapointment and just smile and enjoy it despite the lack of proposal.
I just feel alone in the waiting world (apart from you my dear bees) – none of my friends seem to understand. They all say “enjoy your relationship for what it is now” etc etc. While I agree and know they’re right I still get very “Thar’s ok for you to say your already married/single/been together 5minutes/still in education!”
I am just starting to be a woman obsessed and I hate it. For instance the other day I poked my head round and called him in for dinner while he was browsing on FB on his computer – as he was scrolling through I saw one of the adverts were for engagement rings. I teased him about it and said “oh look! even FB wants you to propose!” He teased back and said I was like a dog with a bone. I was a little excited that he must have been browsing something similar for that to come up. Then I thought about it a bit more and realised that he has been ‘in a relationship’ for 4.5 years so FB probably automatically generated it.
We have had many frank and honest discussions. So he definately knows exactly how I feel. He knows what I want. I don’t think I could bear having another one as the same things get said and it just feels like we’re going in circles. He says he loves me and wants to be with me forever but we just can’t afford a proposal/wedding right now. Despite my protests that I don’t want a big flashy engagement ring or a big wedding he stays firm that it is monetary restrictions holding him back.
Therefore, earlier in the year when he consolidated his debt I was quite excited. But then the other day (by total accident) I saw he had another £600+ on his credit card. This was made up of generic crap and a expensive birthday present he got for me (which i feel totally guilty about and told him off for buying). Then he is going on about buying an expensive tablet for himself. I said to him – ‘just think what you could buy with that money’ and he asked if I would be mad at him if he did buy it. I said it was his money and he could buy what he wanted with it but would be stupid to have £1000+ on his credit card + his other debts for something he just wants. He also goes out with friends to pub/lunch etc. Therefore, it upsets me a bit he isn’t trying to get out of debt…. But I am equally as bad with money so can’t complain too much.
Well sorry for the long grumble – any advice to keep me sain will be greatly appreciated.