- 8 years ago
This is going to be really long so I apologize.
a while back I agreed to be in a friends wedding. I met this girl when I was about 18 because she’s been my hairstylist. We became friends in our early 20s (21). I mean can you really say no to someone who says, “So… you’re the friend I’ve had the longest, and I know that you’re wedding is the 26th, and we’ve picked the 6th, but you’re like a sister to me and I really want you to be in my wedding”??
Late last month a massive group email went out to the 10 bridesmaids so that plans could be made to plan for the shower. We meet. Prior to the meeting I emailed her 3 maids of honor and asked about the budget/funding all these events. I was told there is no budget.
So I attend the meeting to plan the shower and found out what the brides wants. The bride wants a Sex and the theme bridal shower. Which for just the food alone (no cake, no apps, no drinks, not decorations, favors, prizes) its $150/girl. When you add in the ‘extras its roughly 350/bridesmaid. Thats just for the shower. For the bachelorette party, she wants a limo & a night at a hotel. Again another 200/per girl.
After mulling this over in my head, I knew that there was no way that I could afford to be in the wedding (the bride wants specific $$ shoes, we need to buy our own jewelry & the bride would prefer that we get our hair and make up done) let alone pay for the bridal shower/bachelorette party.
I called the bride and explained that I can’t afford it. There is no way with our weddings being so close, can I be a good bridesmaid and be able to contribute what the other girls would be. So she got sort of upset, but told me she’d call me the next day with a decision.
The bride called and told me she’d be willing to pay for my stuff. Which makes me really uncomfortable. I don’t feel right having her paying for her own shower, and the fact that she told her mom and the 3 MOHs really kinda bothers me. She told me to call her when I got back. I left the following day for my sisters destination wedding.
I’ve been back for a week and I’ve still not called the bride because I just feel weird about the whole situation. Everyone I know is telling me to get out because its so $$$$ ( I didn’t spend nearly as much on my sister’s shower, and can’t justify spending that much on a friend) and that its so close to my wedding, that I won’t be able to enjoy it. I spoke to my FI, family, friends, and even my wedding planner who are all saying the same thing. You just need to tell her its too much.
I know that when I tell her that its probably going to end our friendship.Especially since I’m thinking of going somewhere else to get my hair done for my wedding day. And to me I guess its fine. I’m getting ready to move after my wedding, and I don’t really feel that we’ve been close for the last 5 or so years. We were when we were younger ages 21-26 where we partied alot. But she’s kept on partying and I stopped to go back to school and get a doctorate. We havne’t really hung out very much, and its been strained when we have.
So I don’t know what to do. I feel bad bowing out, but when I 1st accepted my role of bridesmaid, I explained to her I’d be at what I could but with our weddings being so close together I wasn’t sure what all I could do. And that I’m a student and I live at roughly 133% of the poverty level.
I’m so torn. I didn’t have any idea how stressful planning a wedding was, so when I accepted I had no idea it be like this. So I don’t know what to do. Any advice?