Advice Please? Family Engagement Talks and Money Concerns

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

@ClassicCorvette:  Not sure about your culture and traditions, but I think you can have that conversation with your mom about not having to feel bad about not contributing financially, but you expect her to help you with some planning. I wouldn’t really give the “people who pay” ALL the control, unless you explain clearly what you are expecting and want within YOUR wedding, they may just try to plan their own wedding without taking your wants into consideration.

Post # 5
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@otto2008:  Agree with this 100%. 

I’d maybe have a chat with your mum and “let her off the hook” so to speak.

However don’t let “whoever pays gets a say” rule your wedding. What if your FMIL said she wanted a church wedding, and you weren’t religious, etc. You need to have a chat to them about how you’d like them to contribute.

And I know my mum loves helping me plan – that’s what mums are for. 🙂  

Post # 6
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ClassicCorvette:  If your mother isn’t contributing due to financial constraints (and not like, spite) I would still keep her included in the wedding planning and decision making process.  It can be a lot of fun, and she shouldn’t have to be excluded just because she can’t pony up.

Post # 8
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ClassicCorvette:  “My father, however, does not and I would rather not have him expect any sort of father of the bride honors as I feel he has not cared for his family the way he should in previous years, and still does not seem to care.

I think that’s a bit unfair. He lost his job 7 years ago, so I assume until then he was a good father and provider for the family. And losing your job can be hard, especially for men.
I think it’s a good idea to have the “we don’t expect you to contribute” talk. I do not think it’s a good idea to use his current situation as a reason to not treat him appropriately as father of the bride.

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@paula1248:  I would only exclude him if he had made a decision to not care for his family emotionally as well as financially.  If he’s just been on hard times job-wise, but still reaching out and being there for you, I would still include him. @ClassicCorvette:    But you know your relationship with your father the best, and if he’s always been a jerk there’s no reason to celebrate him at your wedding.

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