Advice please – Getting engaged

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Seriously… just propose. If you think too much about what other people want, you’ll live your life in a constant state of paralysis.

Post # 5
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

I think you should go ahead with your plans. Your relationship is yours so you`ll have to move according to your plans and not based on what others might think. 

I had somewhat of the same dilema some months ago as my boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married etc (no proposal yet) and a friend of our told us that they are going to get married about 3 months after ‘our date’. I was really worried about this but then my boyfriends mother told me if you keep changing your date because someone else is getting married a month before or a month after it will never happen and it made me realise that our relationship is ours and we have to base plan according to our needs and our plans

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@iceburn87:  There is plenty of thunder to go around. Just propose. You shouldn’t need to put your life on hold for someone else’s wedding. And anyway, it sounds like your future father in law is kidding.

So long as the weddings aren’t too close (about 3 months, and that’s only for the sake of travelling relatives) you’ll be fine.

Post # 7
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

Propose.  It sounds like you’ve been thinking and planning for a while and probably more longer than your girlfriend’s sister’s SO. 

I anyone is snarky about you proposing close to or after the other gentleman, just say “I’ve been planning this since *x amount of months* and I was ready to ask SO to be my wife”

Post # 8
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ditto PPs. It’s nice of you to think about your (hopefully)FSIL, but you also have a life to live.

It is also nice to think of the family when both couples set their dates – you don’t want them to have to choose one wedding or the other if two close together is a financial hardship (or take on that hardship if they don’t feel they can choose). However, just because you get engaged around the same time doesn’t mean that you’ll get married around the same time. Every couple has its own timeline.

Post # 9
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@iceburn87:  i supposed if you know the specific day or week he is proposing, i wouldn’t propose that week, but anything after that is fair game.

why don’t you propose sooner and then surprise her with a trip to venice as part of the proposal.

 

Post # 10
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@iceburn87:  Honestly, it’s YOUR LIFE! If you know it the right time to get engaged, get engaged. I can’t imagine a happier circumstance than if we had two engagements in our family in a short time. VERY EXCITING and VERY HAPPY!

Post # 11
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@iceburn87:  I for one would be THRILLED if my sister and I got engaged around the same time. We could both talk wedding stuff together, and it would be awesome!!

Post # 12
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Like many others have said, there is no need to change your plans if both of you are ready to get engaged.  It seems like you are very thoughtful and sweet!

 HOWEVER, two sisters being engaged at the same time could be tricky. Will family members find it difficult to travel for both showers and weddings?  Are you expecting her family to contribute to the wedding financially? It would have been a hardship on my parents to put money towards two weddings within a year. 

As for wedding planning together, I think it could be fun or competitive.  While it would be really fun to plan together, I honestly would feel like everyone is comparing the two weddings.  For that reason, I would want to have a totally different style of wedding than my sister. How do you think your girlfriend would feel about it? I would ignore the comments by her dad and focus on what she would like.  

 I think it would be okay as long as the wedding dates are far enough apart! Like you mentioned, you should not have to put your life on hold for other people.   My sister-in-law and I got married 7 months apart and there were no issues at all.

A proposal in Venice sounds amazing!!! She will be blown away.  

 

Post # 13
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If you hold off on the proposal or wedding because of siblings, cousins, or close friends, you’ll never get engaged or married.  But its still an understandable concern, being a sibling and the resulting wedding planning on top of one another, even if you pick very far apart dates.  Here are my suggestions:

 – Talk to girlfriend’s sister’s boyfriend about his plans.  You don’t need to avoid his month or methods entirely, but try not to do it like, within the same week.  Maybe not the week imediately before or after, either.  From my experience, the “We’re engaged!” news excitement lasts for about a week, then you’ll just be asked wedding planning questions until you’re sick of talking about it.

 

 – IF this isn’t a total suprise for your GF, ask her how she’d feel about being engaged the same time as her sister.  Maybe she’d love it.  Maybe she’d hate it.  Even if its not a suprise, I’m guessing after 5 years its at least on her mind, and you might be able to probe the topic some to get an idea.  Really, her feelings about it should take total priority.  If she wouldn’t want to plan weddings back-to-back with her sister, respect that and hold off for a few months.  Even if you’re still technically planning weddings at the same time, the actual planning changes a lot depending on how far out you are from your date.  If her sister is sending out invites the same time you 2 are picking venues, it’ll feel different enough, I think.

 

– Is it possible to just propose sooner?  June isn’t even over, so if you popped the question now, you’d have a whole month before her sister’s boyfriend does the same.  Then just take the trip to Venice as a chance to bask in the glow of newly-engaged-ness.

Post # 16
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Don’t live your life for someone else.  Just propose.  Follow through on whatever plans you have, they sound absolutely wonderful!

Afterwards you can worry about deciding what you want to do for the wedding with your fiancee.  You might need to work out wedding dates and consider money and travel time for family…but you can do all of that after you’re engaged.  No reason you can’t be engaged at the same time.

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