Post # 1
My SO and I are introducing our parents for the first time tomorrow night. It’s long overdue, considering we’ve lived together for nearly six months. But we had been in a long-distance relationship until I moved with him, and my parents live two hours north. We found a restaurant halfway between the two families, so they can meet on neutral territory.
Here’s the thing: I’ve never done this before, because I’ve never loved anyone enough to want to do the whole “meeting of the parents” thing. I adore his parents. My parents, well…I love them, but they can be very judgmental. They are extremely conservative and religious (Christian), and they already have an issue with my living with my Jewish BF. I am terrified that they’ll do or say something to offend the BF or his folks. He already thinks they hate him (although they don’t).
Any advice to keep dinner peaceful? I was on a business trip this week and bought both sets of parents some gag gifts to break the ice, but I’d appreciate any suggestions/words of wisdom. Thanks!
Post # 2
Congrats on having the parents meet! That’s a huge step in the relationship!
My parents are converted LDS (mormons) and my BF & I and his family are not but my parents are very understanding and accepting of our lifestyle so that hasn’t been an issue for us.
I think it’s great that you got ice breakers, clever idea. I would make sure to try to steer the conversation as much as possible if it seems like it’s going to a negative spot between the Christianity vs Jewish debate. Just remind them this is about you blending familes and not about the difference between the two. Hopefully it’s peaceful and you enjoy your evening. 🙂
Post # 3
How exciting! You’ll do fine. Has he ever met your parents prior to this and vice versa? My husband met my mother a few days after we started dating, and I met his mother a week after we had started dating, so that helped when they met each other. But they knew that we had found the one, so it wasn’t awkward for them, and having some similiar tastes helped them. We never did a formal sit down except the day we got married and by then they were already comfortable with each other.
I would just be natural, don’t try to force topics away or have specific topics in place (just try to avoid the religion difference, as you’ve already stated). Talk about your business trip, something normal and fun, what did you guys do this past weekend? What you like about where you live, etc. That way your parents can learn about themselves with neutral questions.
Post # 4
Wow – that’s early! We dated five years and lived together one before our parents met. They met at our rehearsal dinner. Now, they won’t meet again till we have a baby in four years. It’ll be fine. My parents are like yours and they had no problem with my DH’s parents. They all got alone fine. We didn’t force anything and they just talked. No ice breakers needed (seems childish).
Post # 5
Don’t sweat it. Remember, your parents are a lot wiser than us (at least we hope so). Since they are familiar with the background of your relationship and each others’ families, they’re probably sweating it much more than you!
My SO’s parents and mine still haven’t met. We live in PA, along with his mother and her side of the family, but his dad and my parents all live in MN. Although both my parents ended up visiting this summer (separately), his mother bailed on my mother and we didn’t set up any plans for her to meet my father because she never expressed an interest. I’m worried that they won’t even meet before the wedding…. My SO is worried his parents won’t even show up to the wedding.
Moral of the story is: be happy they’re agreeing to do this! I wish our parents were able to meet without some crap preventing it from happening! lol
Post # 6
madmaxshannah: I was nervous about our parents meeting. His parents are super friendly and social. My parents are socially awkward and more reserved. It was my FIs graduation day so everyone was together for 12 hours! It wasn’t a complete disaster but it started off with a awkward moment. In the first 10 minutes, my mom tells his mom about how I didn’t go to graduation. I told my mom it was because of not wanting to take off of work. Her response- oh I thought it was because it was right after the school/police kicked you and your friends out of prom for that friend bringing alcohol. WTF mom. Then she continued to talk about how that friend ended up cheating on her husband. I know it’s wrong but I did warn my fiances mom before that my mom wasn’t as social/outgoing. My dad took a ton of pictures of everything which I know meant everything to fiances mom. Regardless, I’m glad they met before the wedding and the comments that were made afterwards weren’t bad. FI’s parents said you’re parents probably thought we were insane alcoholics since my parents are more reserved. My parents said FI’s brother had a much different personality than FI. That was it. If it gets awkward just change the conversation
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice, everyone! We just arrived back home, each in one piece. Phew. It went very well…a little awkward at times, but the parents were on their best behavior. That’s one more milestone the SO and I are glad to have behind us.