Post # 1
Any advice on a big parent problem would be reallly appreciated.
Essentially My mum feels very strongly that we should have a Christian wedding. Ideally in the church but as a ‘compromise’ atleast a christian blessing.
We aren’t Christian and would like a humanist wedding in the woods on the farm I grew up on. I feel uncomfortable saying and including anything related to God.
Its caused a huge problem to the point where I don’t know if I even want to get married anymore So any advice would be great.
How far do you go to please your family and how far do you stick to what you want?
Post # 2
Bjc206: I am not a Christian but my Fi is so we are having a Christian ceremony.
But since the bothof you are not comfortable… this is tough.
What sort of repercussions are you going to face if you chose Humanitarian? I mean wedding is supposed to bring family together not tear it apart.
I think I would ho Humanitarian and include a nod to Christianity as acknowledging the heritage (parent’s beliefs). Choose some very careful wording. Make sure your officiant can be trusted with wording – you certainly dont want to remember you wedding is having to walk over your own beliefs for the sake of others….
On the other hand if you are dealing with emotional terrorists, who will only INSIST on purely christan ceremony, I would decide that they have no respect for me or my FI and let happen what may.
After all those who deeply care for us would be there regardless.
Post # 3
If neither of you believe in the beliefs of Christianity then don’t have it in your ceremony. When it comes to religion/faith it is personal and shouldn’t be done to appease others. If either of you have a little faith then maybe incorporate a few bits and pieces. I voted humanist because of your OP. I am a Christian but if neither of you believe then it isn’t right.
Post # 4
I understand your struggle as I am an atheist and my family is Catholic (SO’s family is a mix of Catholic and Presbyterian), so I want to create an environment that is respectful/familiar for them, without compromising my own personal beliefs.
That being said, are there any elements that you are comfortable with that could be loosely defined as Christian? For example, an Irish Blessing? One I enjoy is “May God be with you and bless you. May you see your children’s children. May you be poor in misfortune and rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.” You could easily remove the first line if it has no meaning to you, and it might appease the pressure for Christian elements?
Post # 5
Do you agree with any Christian teachings, or symbolisms you can incorporate into your ceremony?
FI and I are Christians but I say that in very, very loose terms. We do not go to Church, and tend to dislike the typical “Christian” way of life.
One thing FI and I have discussed about having at our wedding is a foot washing ceremony, however we would do it privately between us, or perhaps with one or two of our best friends/mentors with us. I think it’s a beautiful tribute to surrendering all ego in marraige, and a reminder to constantly be in service to each other, as equals.
Post # 6
I don’t really have advice because I haven’t decided how we are going to handle this yet. I am thinking of including some small verse or something that still has meaning to me from growing up to give a nod to christianity, but I am curious to hear others thoughts as well.
Post # 7
Instead of pulling bible verses, maybe try to look up “quotes” from Christian Saints? Its not super religous, and they dont have to mention anything about christianity. But alot of them have some good things to say.