(Closed) Advice please! Should I stick to my departure date?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

If you can’t picture your life without him, then stick it out! It will come in due time.

Post # 4
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

If you think having a yellow diamond ring and being married legally to him is more desirable than actually having him then move out.  If having him is more desirable than the yellow diamond and marriage than stay.  You have what you describe as an amazing and serious relationship.  It sounds as though marriage really isn’t that important to him but that he’s fine doing it.  He obviously didn’t understand how much you want it and even admitted that he just figured everything was fine.  So now that he realizes it you can either:

1. Ask him to give you his word that he will go purchase your ring and propose to you and then trust him and live your life until your proposal.

2. Start talking to lawyers about selling your home or buying out his ownership, go find an apartment or house, pack up and leave your great relationship that you can’t imagine not having.

Post # 5
Member
359 posts
Helper bee

If he only found out the other night *just* how upset it made you, I’d stick it out.  Give him time.  While I can’t say I believe in “ultimatums” per se, I don’t believe it’s fair to bail on him if he hasn’t had the issue brought to his attention and given adequate time to correct it.

Post # 6
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Um am I missing something.  You own a home with this man.  I think he’s bonded to you in a very serious way or else he wouldn’t have taken the step.  Tell him about your feelings and be honest with him.  You want a wedding and you want a marriage; make it clear to him that you need to be on that path and soon.  I do think that you are being hasty considering getting a financial “divorce” so soon.

Post # 7
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

need need need, want want want….thats all i hear. 

Stick it out gf….takes a long time to create a bond, it requires patience, friendship, and love…and if you are willing to easily DEPART from that, then go ahead…but i bet you- you wont find a guy like the one you have now who loves you to death! 

Post # 8
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

“picture my life without him, we’re best friends and we have a great relationship.”

There’s your answer right there.

Give him some more time. It sounds to me like he realizes now how much that means to you. He obviously is committed enough to buy a house with you so I doubt he would be against marrying you. Just wait some more. I know how much we all hate waiting, but you said it yourself. You can’t picture your life without him and you have a great, serious relationship. Just come here and vent to us. We all have those “waiting” breakdowns. Don’t be afraid to tell him just how important marriage is to you. He sounds like a good guy.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

@Yellow430:If you can take it, you can do what’s called The Bluff.  I am reading about it in this book called Closing The Deal [written by men about engagement]  The Bluff sounds like a game, but it’s not.  It’s just sitting him down, looking phenomenal and telling him you love him but it seems like you want different things.  You are going to move out to give him space to think about what he wants.  It might take a couple weeks but usually this turns a guy around, puts a little fire under his butt.

On the other hand, if you’re really happy…then why rush? You own a home together, he will propose eventually.

Post # 11
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with the PPs – stick it out! You love him and want to be with him and are happy with him so just wait – I believe it will happen in its own time. A friend of mine had been dating her husband for 9.5 years before they got engaged! Granted they had been together since they were 16 but still..9.5 years!!!

Post # 12
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Stick it out..it does sound like he loves you and wants to marry you, maybe he just did not have the motivation bc he was comfy in day to day llife, like he said, and sometimes guys need a little push. Now he knows you want it so just give ti time, it will happen!

Post # 13
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Would feel as if you weren’t being true to yourself if you stayed?

Post # 14
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

I would give it some more time, especially since you both are heavily invested with the house. I hope he comes up woth the proposal soon.

Post # 15
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

like others have said, stick it out.

Guys sometimes just dont get it.  They need it spelled out how much it bothers you that he hasnt taken that step.

In a guys mind he is FULLY commited to you.  You have a house, he loves you, you guys have a great relationship.

Talk to him and find out what his hold up is.  If he flat out just got comfortable and didnt know this was bothering you as much then give him time to make it right.

 

Post # 16
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

@panterapeach:

This is really good advice.  This is how I and my bf (luckily, lol) feel – we share accounts, credit cards, a car, a dog and a home so we feel fully committed to each other 🙂  We are still head over heels in love after 7 years and don’t feel any need to do anything else right now.  But if he were to come to me crying saying he wants to be married (well, first I’d tell him to knock it off:P) I’d say ok and do it because he wanted to and I lurve him!

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