Post # 1
I’m acting as a BM for an out-of-town friend’s DW wedding. Because she does not live in the same city as the members of her bridal party, we arranged a day when she would be in to go look at dresses, and at this time she indicated to the group that she would be covering the cost of the BM dresses. I was super surprised and was really impressed, and really respect her for it.
That being said, recently she’s been asking us to go look at dresses earlier, because she’s worried that there won’t be enough time to get the dresses shipped in if we wait. The bridal salon we were going to says there wouldn’t be a problem and that the dresses would arrive a week before the wedding, but I do totally understand wanting to plan some buffer time in case anything happens. However, going early means she won’t be here with us to look at dresses… but she doesn’t seem to mind, because she’s given us a colour spectrum and a sort of “look” to pick (she’s going for the mismatched BM look, and says as long as we think we look cohesive she’ll be fine with it.)
In our group conversations, though, she hasn’t brought up how the dresses will be paid for if she’s not there. I’m wondering now if she’s still planning on covering the cost of the dress, and I can’t think up a non-awkward way to ask. Part of it is because the bride is so laid-back and chill that I feel super awkward not… just… acting the same way about paying myself. I have they money and it wouldn’t be a problem to pay, but I do feel a little confused as to what’s expected from us at this point.
So, hive, gimme advice! Should I ask the bride if she still plans on paying for the BM dresses? Should I just be quiet and cover the cost myself? Other ideas? Lemme know!
Post # 3
@MrsRevolutionize: Plan to pay for the dress yourself and buy something within your budget. If she makes arrangements to pay for them or pay you back, then great, but if not…oh well.
Post # 4
I think you can directly ask her what her budget is for the dresses, or if everyone is paying for their own. If everybody is buying their own dress, the bride should make sure it’s affordable for all the bridesmaids. If the bride is paying, you don’t want to pick out 500$ dresses when she planned 200$ each. It’s less about who is paying, and more about what the budget is.
Post # 5
@canadajane: That’s a good point that I hadn’t considered. Thanks for replying 🙂
@thenewmrsmax: Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking, just to make it as not-awkward as possible.
Post # 6
I’m buying some of the BMs’ dresses. Since I can’t be with them at every turn, the bridal shop knows who I am paying for and the shop will contact me for payment over the phone prior to placing the order.
Is there any way to ask her so you could know for sure? Can you ask her mom? Her sister? Anyone?
Sounds like a real pain.
Post # 7
@LilRhodyGem: That’s a super interesting arrangement! The bridal shop you’re working with sounds really conscientious for arranging that on your behalf! Or is it a normal thing? Either way, it’s awesome.
I think I’m just going to let it slide. We’ll talk again before the bridal party goes out to pick dresses, so maybe she’ll mention it again there, but I mostly feel silly worrying over it when I’m perfectly capable of paying for the dress. Another BM who’s recently had a child may not be in the same position, so maybe she’ll bring it up? I dunno, hahah.
Post # 8
@MrsRevolutionize: Since you have the money to pay for it, I would just pay for it just for now until she mentions it. Wait a little while and give her time. If she does not bring it up, casually bring it up to her.
Or once you find a dress, you can talk to her and say, “Oh the dress I found is XXX$$$… Is that okay?” and see what she says.