(Closed) Advice please :/ what should I say?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Clearly you had a reason to be checking his facebook to begin with, which is not ideal.  Is this not his first indiscretion?  Honestly if I caught my FH doing that, I would certainly at the very least postpone the wedding.  He should be 110% sure of you and should definitely NOT be talking to his ex about any cold feet he might be having.  I’m so sorry you are going through this.  Good luck!

Post # 4
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i personally, would admit to snooping. cause if things haven’t felt right, then things obviously aren’t right. if someone’s unhappy, then changes need to be made. maybe it’ll blow up in your face, but maybe it’ll be a good thing.

you shouldn’t have snooped around in his fb. simple as that. no matter what your reasons were, you shouldn’t have done it. but since you have, come clean and see what he says.

Post # 5
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You say to him thank god you had the info, and thank god you snooped because if you had not, you would be carrying on in a relationship where he is telling someone else he is ‘not sure about it!’ That is what I would tell him, and then I would demand an explanation, and then if I were you, I would take the time to think about if he is the person you want to be with.

Yes, you snooped, but as another PP stated, there was a reason you did!! 

Post # 6
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I believe the words that would be coming out of my mouth are, “We’re over.”

Post # 7
986 posts
Busy bee

Here’s the thing: he shouldn’t have anything to hide, so it should be free game to get on and see whatever you please. Clearly, he is hiding something, and you had the feeling that something wasn’t right. Fess up that you saw it, and then ask him WTF is going on! 

Post # 8
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Miss Otter:  +1

Has he cheated in the past?

Post # 9
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

what I’d be telling him is goodbye


Post # 10
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think that i would be honest and tell him that you checked his fb and found that message. 

personally, i wouldn’t want to be with anyone who has any feelings for anyone else.  it is clearly not fair for you or for him.

for me, it would be time to part ways.

Post # 11
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally would just leave him. Clearly he isn’t over her and fully committed to you. No need to admit to snooping and talk it out with him when you should already have your mind made up and your bags packed.

What a dbag – sorry you had to see that, but luckily you found out before you married the loser!

I just read a few of your past posts, and it seems like you two have been issues for quite some time. Just confirms what I said above, it seems like it’s time to part ways. 

Post # 12
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MrsWBS:  I disagree with not giving an explanation.  She accepted a marriage proposal from the man and he should know why she’s leaving.

You don’t trust him and he’s not trustworthy- not a good combo!  Admit you snooped and say you’re leaving.

Post # 13
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The fact that he’d send a message like that to his ex clearly shows that you guys aren’t on the right course for a serious commitment. The fact that you felt the need to double check on him shows this too…

What made you feel the need to snoop through his facebook?

Post # 14
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kmarie422:  I don’t think you have to feel bad about snooping at all. He declared his love for someone else!! If he gets mad about you snooping, he is even more a j*ckass!

When did he write the message? Was it yesterday or a year ago? I think that will make some difference.

You need to confront him. He cheated on you.

Post # 15
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you confront him and tell him you snooped, I think he’ll go one of two ways, depending on how (and if) the ex responded.

One is outrage, turn it around on you, and break up with you over you not respecting his privacy (if he is looking to break up with you, this will give him a handy excuse).

Two, which I think is more likely, is to plead bad judgment and say he sent it while drunk or distraught or something and that he does not mean it. This is especially likely if the ex did not respond the way he wanted. The bad thing with this is you will always worry about how he really feels and will probably never trust him again no matter what he says.

If it were me, even if he could somehow convince me he sent it in a moment of weakness and cold feet and has now realized he does want to be with me and does not love his ex, I think the anger and fear would always be there. This is not a relationship I think I could survive in.

But I would still confront him. This is a huge betrayal and you deserve an outlet for your anger.

Post # 16
423 posts
Helper bee

I was in the exact same spot as you and I decided to forgive him. It was the biggest mistake of my life, which culminated into 4.5 years of torture. He will cheat on you again and you won’t be able to trust him ever. RUN away from him as fast as you can. Just leave a note and go. You don’t even need to face the jerk. 

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