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I kept my middle name and added my maiden to the middle. I think eventually no one will use the maiden at all, but it gives me a bit of freedom in terms of how I want to be addressed professionally etc.
I think you should do what you feel comfortable doing. It isn;t your mother's decision. Maybe ask her exactly what bothers her about the change and let her know why you are making the choices you are.
I thought briefly of doing the same thing with my maiden name, but since I have the same middle name as my mom, I figured it would hurt her more if I changed it. I can understand your mom's side...she did work hard to give you a good name!
I am keeping my middle name because I've learned from past women in my cirlce that have changed their middle name. So when one got a divorce it was a mess to move her maiden name back to her last name and restore her original middle name.
I will continue to use my maiden name at work on emails etc.
I am with you on this one jmc - stay firm and do what YOU want. My last name has been hyphenated since birth (my parents couldn't agree, so when they married they both hyphenated). I am dropping my entire last name like a hot rock when we get married. I know both of my families will be upset for a little while, but it's MY name, and I am the one who will have to sign it, look at it, have it on cards/driver license, etc. I would strongly discourage hyphenated last names, especially for children. It's never fun to explain to people that yes, you have one LONG last name, a middle name AND a first name. Then people at the DMV want to argue over which last name to put on your license... :)
On the one hand, it's your name and your decision. On the other, I have 2 middle names, and it's not a hassle at all.
Do what you want to do.
I am chosing to just change my last name all together. Almost all of my FI's cousins used the hyphon (sp), but I want to be different. haha.
Where are you from? The reason I ask is because I think some of these decisions are regional-- I didn't think it was even a consideration to keep your middle name, it was always a given that I would drop the middle, move maiden name to middle, and take his last name. Apparently that isn't the norm in all regions of the US--
My best friend opted to keep her middle and drop her last when she got married. When I spoke with her mother about it, she said she had never even heard of dropping the middle name like I plan to do-- they are from Ohio. I am from the south.
Ulitmately, it doesnt matter-- there isn't a norm, and no one should tell you (or make you feel like) what to do with your name.
I agree with mcnetm3. I'm from Ohio. I had never even heard of dropping middle name and replacing with maiden name until I logged onto this site. I think it's somthing that I will choose not to do. Because; for me I know that my name was chosen by my parents. & I know how much effort is put into choosing a name for your child & it would be a little sad to see them throw that away. I can see both sides. I think I'll choose to drop my maiden name. Although I had never heard the idea of keeping the maiden & do like it. Because it's hard to let go of something that's been a part of you for soo long..... I guess I'm on the ropes on this one :)
My dad was a little disappointed in my choice -- but for the opposite reason. I've never liked my last/maiden name. So when I get married, I'm dropping it and doing First Name/Middle Name/His Last Name. My dad has two daughters so he has no one to "carry on" his name, so to speak. But like PP's mentioned, he got over it.
I changed my name that way, but first I asked my mom how attached she was to my middle name ... if it had any sentimental significance to her. She didn't seem upset about my decision, but doesn't sound that way in your case.
Name changes can become very personal things and a lot of people's feelings can get hurt in the process! Do you think she might feel differently if you explain to her that you'd like to keep your maiden name BECAUSE you feel so tied to your family?
My parents were mad that I didn't change my name. But it's my name and I'm keeping it!
Thanks, ladies. I guess I will have to sit Mom down and explain why I am ditching one name and not the other. Hopefully she will be happier about it. I'm definitely going to proceed as planned, I'd just like her not to be angry about it.
My Mom is mad. However, I don't care. She was mad at SO MANY things about the wedding that I just have become numb. I'm so happy that I changed my middle name to my maiden name. I have spent 32 years building relationships with my last name not my middle name.
Do whatever works best for you and your husband is my advice.
Do what you want.
Your mum will eventually understand that you are honoring her.
Emotions always run high during wedding planning, esp as the date gets closer.
I hated my middle name. It was my father's BROTHER'S name!!!
Father would have made my life miserable daily if I changed it.
Sadly he died a few years ago.
But I was able to change my name a year later with only my uncle being unhappy with me.
I don't like uncle anyway so all is cool.
@mcnetn3 - I think you're right about it being regional... FI's family is South Carolinian, and they all assume their regional traditions are like universal rules, since they've never seen any other way of doing things... they're totally shocked that I'm keeping my middle name.
It is utimately YOUR choice :)
I always thought that I would be replacing my middle name with my maiden name when I married and took his last name... this is the traditional thing to do in the South. However, I happen to be marrying a man who has the SAME last name as me... so I don't have to change anything! I know this sounds convienient, but I am a bit disappointed that I won't have a middle name and last name that represents BOTH individual families... because as we all know, a name like "Jane Johnson Johnson" doesn't work! I wonder how my alumni newsletter will list my name? Will people realize that I did indeed get married? HA!
Using your maiden name as your middle name is a nod to the importance of your family's roots... joining with your 'new extended' family... IE- Jane Smith Johnson... But if your mother isn't keen on this, point out that you are choosing to use your maiden name as your middle in order to show how special your 'roots' are to you! :)
Good Luck!
I now have two middle names and I usually I only use one of them (whichever I prefer at the time). It's up to you how you want to fill out forms and such.
I had no idea that moving Maiden to Middle was a regional thing. I am born and raised in California. Weddingbee has taught me so much. Thanks, ladies.
All through highschool and part of middle school I wanted to change my first name haha. My mom was so hurt, so upset, so ... frustrated and I never understood.
I kind of do now that I'm sort of thinking - in the waaaay back of my mind- about having a child one day and the names =)
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My middle name is Susann. It's kind of a wink and a nudge to my mom's middle name, Susan. So, while you could say I am named after her, I'm not really.
I have a really long last name that is difficult to pronounce and full of consonants. FI hasa last name that is even longer and full of lots of vowels. The point is, hyphenating is really not an option.
I was thinking of changing my name to First Maiden HisLast, but when I made mention of this to my mom she was--less than enthused. I don't know if it is because then I won't be named after her or if it is just that I am changing the name she gave me. I really think that keeping my family name that links me to everyone is better. Plus, I want to keep the maiden name because I plan to use it professionally. It will actually get spoken out loud, which almost never happens with a middle name.
Anyone else get a negative reaction to the name change from parents? How did you deal?
I suppose I could have two middle names, but that would be a pain in the rear every time I have to fill out a form and my new name will be quite the mouthful already.