(Closed) Advice re: Mom’s mad about me replacing middle name with maiden name

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I kept my middle name and added my maiden to the middle. I think eventually no one will use the maiden at all, but it gives me a bit of freedom in terms of how I want to be addressed professionally etc.

I think you should do what you feel comfortable doing. It isn;t your mother’s decision. Maybe ask her exactly what bothers her about the change and let her know why you are making the choices you are.

Post # 4
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hang tough.  It’s your name.

Post # 5
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I thought briefly of doing the same thing with my maiden name, but since I have the same middle name as my mom, I figured it would hurt her more if I changed it.  I can understand your mom’s side…she did work hard to give you a good name!

Post # 6
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

I say that it’s your choice and your choice only.  She’ll get over it.

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I am keeping my middle name because I’ve learned from past women in my cirlce that have changed their middle name.  So when one got a divorce it was a mess to move her maiden name back to her last name and restore her original middle name. 

I will continue to use my maiden name at work on emails etc.

Post # 8
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am with you on this one jmc – stay firm and do what YOU want. My last name has been hyphenated since birth (my parents couldn’t agree, so when they married they both hyphenated). I am dropping my entire last name like a hot rock when we get married. I know both of my families will be upset for a little while, but it’s MY name, and I am the one who will have to sign it, look at it, have it on cards/driver license, etc. I would strongly discourage hyphenated last names, especially for children. It’s never fun to explain to people that yes, you have one LONG last name, a middle name AND a first name. Then people at the DMV want to argue over which last name to put on your license… 🙂

Post # 9
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

On the one hand, it’s your name and your decision.  On the other, I have 2 middle names, and it’s not a hassle at all.

Post # 10
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do what you want to do.

I am chosing to just change my last name all together. Almost all of my FI’s cousins used the hyphon (sp), but I want to be different. haha.

Post # 11
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Where are you from?  The reason I ask is because I think some of these decisions are regional– I didn’t think it was even a consideration to keep your middle name, it was always a given that I would drop the middle, move maiden name to middle, and take his last name.  Apparently that isn’t the norm in all regions of the US–

My best friend opted to keep her middle and drop her last when she got married.  When I spoke with her mother about it, she said she had never even heard of dropping the middle name like I plan to do– they are from Ohio.  I am from the south.

Ulitmately, it doesnt matter– there isn’t a norm, and no one should tell you (or make you feel like) what to do with your name.

Post # 12
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with mcnetm3. I’m from Ohio. I had never even heard of dropping middle name and replacing with maiden name until I logged onto this site. I think it’s somthing that I will choose not to do. Because; for me I know that my name was chosen by my parents. & I know how much effort is put into choosing a name for your child & it would be a little sad to see them throw that away. I can see both sides. I think I’ll choose to drop my maiden name. Although I had never heard the idea of keeping the maiden & do like it. Because it’s hard to let go of something that’s been a part of you for soo long….. I guess I’m on the ropes on this one 🙂

Post # 13
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My dad was a little disappointed in my choice — but for the opposite reason.  I’ve never liked my last/maiden name.  So when I get married, I’m dropping it and doing First Name/Middle Name/His Last Name.  My dad has two daughters so he has no one to “carry on” his name, so to speak.  But like PP’s mentioned, he got over it.

Post # 14
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Your name, your choice.

Post # 15
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I changed my name that way, but first I asked my mom how attached she was to my middle name … if it had any sentimental significance to her. She didn’t seem upset about my decision, but doesn’t sound that way in your case.

Name changes can become very personal things and a lot of people’s feelings can get hurt in the process! Do you think she might feel differently if you explain to her that you’d like to keep your maiden name BECAUSE you feel so tied to your family?

Post # 16
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

My parents were mad that I didn’t change my name.  But it’s my name and I’m keeping it!

The topic ‘Advice re: Mom’s mad about me replacing middle name with maiden name’ is closed to new replies.

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