- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I need your advice. My fiance does not want to be involved in the wedding planning but he is both picky, sporatically opinionated about details and nutty about the budget. I know that a lot of women struggle with uninvolved fiances but the wedding is only one month away!! And I really, really need help. I am getting frustrated and upset and need your advice.
I will sum this up as quickly as I can because I am *very* late for work and I won’t be able to pay for the wedding if I get fired.
In a nutshell, my FI fights me on everything – “Flowers. Why do we need flowers?” “Cake, Why do we need cake?” “Decorations, Why do we need decorations?” “Favors, Why do we need favors?” “Why do we need to meet the priest in person? Why can’t we talk to him over the telephone?”
The worst is: “Don’t spend all my money!” —> Honestly, *what* is he talking about? I have put everything on *my* credit card. Also, we just opened a joint bank account to pay for everything and both deposited equal amounts of money. It’s not *his* money – it’s *our* money. Plus, I’m a frugal person – I’m not spending money willy-nilly. I’m really doing the best that I can.
He wants the cheapest or most convenient options but then he will critique things for being low quality or ugly or “not right” or “too expensive.” Hello! You get what you pay for! And if you are putting all your money into the convenient option, quality will suffer! Also, I didn’t invent the rules of marriage! I also would rather not meet a million times with the priest but, if we want him to officiate our marriage, we have to follow his “rules.”
I asked him to do two tasks – DJ and Hotels –> He never called the DJ or any music people. He got overwhelmed with the hotels and dealing with his family and I ended up negotiating the Hotel contract. I want to hire a day-of-wedding coordinator because I can’t do this by myself but it makes him angry everytime I bring it up. He keeps saying that we should have hired a wedding planner but, by the time the wedding rolls around, everything will be planned so why do we have to have someone to execute everything?
My potential plan (for which I need advice) is to put together all the things that need to be done, a timeline for the next month before the wedding, explain to him exactly what we need to do and tell him that we need to make decisions and execute things. I will tell him that, if we agree to get flowers, his response to my asking his opinion about flowers cannot be “No flowers! or “Let’s postpone the wedding!”
Help. Please. Any similar experiences? Any advice about how to address this fiance paradox?