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do you suffer from wedding nightmares, bees??

Advice to the Newly Engaged

posted 1 year ago in Emotional

Member

137 posts

Blushing bee

runskiclimb June 26, 2010 Michigan

If you are "on the fence" at all about whether or not to have a wedding, stop, think, and don't move forward until you have reevaluated things. I am not talking about marriage, I am talking weddings, which are way more unrelated than I ever thought possible.

I got engaged last March and, if I had a time machine, I would go back and give myself the advice above. I am not a "wedding person" - I hate being the center of attention, do not like fancy things, and have a strong misunderstanding/dislike of anything done for no other reason than "tradition" (which is pretty much 99% of wedding stuff). When my FI and I got engaged, we discussed the possibility of some sort of elopement/small wedding, with just parents and siblings. I was hesitant because I knew it would be tough to exclude close friends and relatives. Plus, both sets of parents would have ended up having some sort of celebratory party after the fact anyway, so it seemed to make sense to just get it all out of the way. I really regret that decision now.

I have spent way more time than I would have liked to, planning this event I barely wanted. My mother has turned into an entirely different person, completely consumed with wedding worries - I am not kidding when I say this wedding has probably taken five years off of her life. It saddens me how many arguments my FI and I have that stem from the wedding. I feel overcome with guilt about how much time and money is put into one day. I am counting down the days until the day AFTER the wedding, because then it will all be over.

But I'm not trying to complain - I know we'll end up having a wonderful time at our wedding and I hope that I am able to look back on it and be happy with the decision to start our marriage with a big wedding. I just want to warn those of you who still have time, who might be hesitant about what you want, to stop and think. It's one day. Don't waste a year's worth of time and money on one day if you're not positive it's what you want.

1 year ago

Hostess

16,308 posts

Bee Keeper

MissAsB June 6, 2009 Married in CO, Living in AL

I'm sorry that you are having problems with the wedding planning. At least you don't have much time left and the day of will just be a day to hang back and have fun with your friends and family!

1 year ago

Member

1,864 posts

Buzzing bee

egb January 2010

Oh I'm sorry you had to learn this the hard way! You are actually offering very smart advise to fellow bees, and I wish that it will be taken seriously. My experience was completely different... Just like you, we wanted something very intimate and keep our money for travelling and a home. So we chose the DW for these reasons. We got a lot of criticism from our families (and even behind our backs!) but we held our ground.
There is not a single thing we would change about our wedding, no regrets; plus we're travelling and renovating all over the next year.

So yeah, if some of you out there hesitate about a wedding, really, it's yours and your FI's day: do what YOU want - do not spend all this money only to please others...

@runskiclimb: other bees have changed their wedding plans in the process... I think arizonabride for example... maybe you should chat with her!

1 year ago