Post # 1
Advice appreciated. FSIL and FBIL are having a baby 2 months before our wedding. They are catholic (a is FI). They are planning to have the baptism one month before our wedding on labor day weekend. They chose labor day weekend donor would be more convenient for people to travel, and they expect us to be there, as does FFIL.
The problem is that the baptism is in Chicago, and we live in Baltimore. We really do not have the money to buy plane tickets plus hotel room that close to the wedding when lot of the bills are due. FI is adamant we go because they will be very upset if we don’t. I don’t think it’s fair that they expect us to spend that much for a baptism a month before the wedding.
FI says “I’ll just put it on the credit card”, Which I hate! In addition to wedding expenses we are trying to save for a honeymoon and a downpayment for a house. The trip would cost about 1 months worth of savings.
We traveled to Ohio for their wedding about 6 months ago.
What do we do?? Suck it up and go? Tell them we can’t and risk them being mad at us before the wedding?
Post # 3
Unfortunately, I think you have to go. Is there any chance you can stay with them at their house to reduce costs? Or another relative that lives in the Chicago area?
We are invited to a wedding two weeks before our wedding and are still debating whether or not to go. We, too, will have a lot of bills due around that time and will have a lot going on! But it seems that if we don’t go, I will regret it looking back.
When you look back in a number of years, I think that you will regret not being there if you choose not to go. I think that I will regret not going to this wedding. At least you have plenty of notice between now and then to try and figure it out financially.
Post # 4
Yep, sorry, you have to go
Post # 5
Agree with PPs. You gotta just bite the bullet and go.
Post # 6
Look at it the other way. They will be spending a great deal of money to attend your wedding two months after the birth of their financial burden, I mean baby. I am sure they don’t really need to be spending the money to attend your life milestone either.
Besides it seems like your FI wants to attend and is probably important to him. Don’t forget that these people will be your family too soon.
Post # 7
Chicago is a huge hub for United. They have 4-6 flights a day in each direction between bwi and Chicago, plus more to Dulles and DCA. Fly up in the morning and back the same day. No hotel required— really cuts the expenses down. You’re only in the air for 90 minutes anyway.
Post # 8
You really should go! Baptisms are a pretty huge deal to good Catholics, and you don’t want to upset your new family!
Post # 9
I think you have to go. If you play your cards right, you might be able to stay with family in the area and cut down on costs. Otherwise, try to minimise the time you’re in Chicago, and look for hotel and airfare deals. And make it clear to your family that the baptism gift will be very small since your presence is really the gift here.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I agree with the rest. Figure out a way to do it more cheaply and just suck it up. Sorry but this is a major family milestone.
Post # 11
You definetly have to go. How do you think they feel traveling to your wedding just a couple of months after having a baby?
Maybe you can find ways to reduce the cost by staying with some family/frinds in town?
Post # 12
@j_jaye: +1 Very good point about them paying to visit for OP’s milestone.
It is tough OP, but I think it would cause more trouble between your future inlawas and possibly between you and your FI if you do not go.
Post # 13
Ok thanks for the advice guys! I think another option may be for just FI to go if we can’t afford or both, but id like to go too. No family in the area to stay with since they are doing the baptism in FSIL’s hometown, and none of FIs family lives there.
Here’s a vent I just have to get out that is somewhat related:
I think most of it is that I have some negative feelings toward them about how whenever they have a life event ts a “huge deal” and we “have to go”, but when it’s our thing it’s “not a big deal”. For example they had an engagement party and we “had to be there” so went 7 hours by car, but when we had an engagement party they told us they couldn’t afford it an it’s “just a big party anyway.” it looks like the same may be happening with the bachelor party as well.
And whenever we hear about these things it’s never “oh we’d love for you to come and I know its an inconvenience but it would means lot to us,” but rather, “you are family and need to be there for us because that’s what families do.” If we do come and only stay one day they also get angry because we are “not making the family a priority.”
For their wedding I was not invited to the rehearsal dinner because it’s “traditionally just family and bridal party”, even though FI was the best man and I had flown there early with him for the wedding. We had been engaged for over 5 months at that time. She expected me to just hang out in te hotel room by myself I guess. FI’s dad, who was paying, found out and thought it was ridiculous so invited me. She also didn’t want me in any of the wedding pictures because I wasn’t family, but FFIL asked for me to be in one.
There have been other similar scenarios but you get the gist.
So I guess because of those things not particularly thrilled to be “expected” to go when it’s inconvenient. But I know it’s important to the family (and it’s my future niece/nephew!) so we will make it work.
Thanks for the responses (and thanks for those who read my vent!)
Edit: I promise I put spaces in!
Post # 14
- Southwest flies from both BWI and Midway. I’ve flown for around $200 on that route recently.
- Use Priceline for your hotel room, you can stay for much cheaper in areas outside of downtown. Use betterbidding.com for Priceline hotel reviews and probable winning hotel names.
- If that isnt attractive to you, check out Groupon and Living Social travel– i frequently see deals for downtown hotels there.
- Also on Groupon, you can purchase a 3 day CTA (train/bus) pass for $9 as opposed to the regular $20 rate.
- If you need a car and if you have a Costco membership, use it for your rental car and book via costcotravel.com .
There are lots of ways to travel cheaper, they just require a little more work. Good luck!
Post # 15
you guys are awesome! thank you for the information! you have saved me some research!
thank you for the perspective! I’m also not Catholic so I guess I also didn’t realize how big of a deal it is 🙂 I think it’s more my blocked up slightly negative feelings about FSIL that I talked about in my above vent. But now I do feel better after writing it!
I know it will be important to my FFIL and my FI especially, so I think we will make it work, even if it hurts our credit card haha! Chicago is one of the places we want to go visit, so I guess it would be a good opportunity, even if inconvenient timing.