Post # 1
What would you do if a friend of the family invited themselves to your wedding, offered to be a bridesmaid, and basically demanded and invitation? And to be more specific, this is someone neither you nor your FI like, and you both want a small, intimate wedding. Would you invite them anyway? If not, how would you handle the situation? I’m kind of in a pickle about a person and idk how to politely but firmly tell them no. I’m worried that if I don’t send her an invite, she will just show up with someone anyway because in her mind, since she considers the FI’s brother her brother, and that she is entitled to go. The FI has made it clear to her that he does not consider her a sister; he only considers his real sister in such a way. She is his brothers friend, not ours. Anyone have a similar situation or advice about what to do?
Post # 2
crisy003: You just have to say it. It is not impolite to say no. You can try to soften the blow, if you want to maintain a relationship with her, or not if you don’t care.
No. It is a complete sentence.
Post # 3
Have the brother shut it down? I wouldn’t invite her and cite space issues when she brings it up.
Post # 4
crisy003: “I’m sorry but we are having an intimate wedding and are not able to invite all those with whom we would like to celebrate. I know you will understand.”
Do not reference any reason like space, budget etc. It just supplies this type of person with a problem to solve for you so that they can come.
“Not enough room? No problem, I’ll just pull up a chair on the end of the table.”
“I’ll be happy to pay for my meal.”
etc etc etc
Bad behavior should not be rewarded by you inviting her to the wedding.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Tell her the truth: it’s an intimate wedding, not able to invite everyone.
Post # 6
julies1949: I hadn’t considered her coming with counter ideas for excuses! Very good point. I think we definitely will need to just be direct and say that it’s an intimate ceremony and we are keeping the guest list to only our closest family and friends.
She really had caught me off guard when she told me she wanted to be a bridesmaid. I think I told her I had already decided on my bridal party and that it wouldn’t be appropriate. I mean really. A friend of the FBIL? Not enough reason to be a bridesmaid at all… Just going to stick with my sister, my best friend from high school, and my best friend from nursing school.
Post # 7
I think you got some decent advice in your last thread about how to deal with this girl. I really think the bad news needs to come from your FI since he is the one she considers “family”.
Also, like PP poster said. NO is a complete sentence. It is not impolite to say no to a request.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Also, where is your FI’s brother? If he’s her friend, he needs to take her aside and explain how awkward she’s being.
Post # 9
prahajess: I was kind of wondering the same thing. Someone in this family needs to have a chat with this girl.
crisy003: What about your FMIL? If you can’t get your FI to do it, and you are having trouble doing it yourself do you think you could ask her to help you?
Post # 10
partyplanner83: FMIL avoids this girl like the plague… She got very clingy with her as well, calling her mom and calling/texting her every minute of the day and coming over to visit unannounced as well as staying the night. FMIL changed her phone number and would lock the doors and tell people she left on a camping trip almost every weekend. She really tries to avoid her whenever possible
I think we’ve decided that we definitely do not want to invite her and will make sure to make it clear to family that they are not allowed to bring anyone extra without asking us first. We will probably have to stress this to his dad, sister, and brother that she is not to tag along and that we have a strict guest list we are sticking with. I know we’ve got a year to go before the wedding, but I think it’s probably a good time for us to start making out our guest list…
Post # 11
prahajess: I agree, I do think the FI’s brother needs to talk with her and bring her down to earth, as well as possibly leaving us alone. This girl is a teenager and I think she just doesn’t understand boundaries yet. We have a lot of stress as it is between buying our first home, moving, RN boards, starting my BSN program, and wedding planning. We do not need her inviting herself over to our home unannounced and making herself comfortable when she clearly is an unwelcomed guest…
Post # 12
crisy003: I would absolutely not invite her, and I suggest devising a plan to deal with her appearance. Perhaps designate someone to escort her our of the venue.
Post # 13
Don’t invite her, have your FI talk to his brother about talking to him if you guys can’t seem to get through and have a plan where someone may need to be the one to escort her out even if she manages to still not get the hint. Do not feel like you have to invite her, it’s your wedding if you guys don’t want her there don’t invite her and leave it at that, no reason to give her an excuse or anything.
Post # 14
crisy003: Whoa, she sounds crazy! Anyone thought of a restraining order? I know that’s extreme, but she sounds like she has some mental health issues if your FMIL has to go to such great lengths to avoid the girl!