Advice…have not expienced the "O" yet.

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Try having him stimulate your clitoris with his fingers while you are having sex with you on top.

Post # 4
9128 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

First of all- are you sure you want to be with a “man” who thinks oral sex is gross??! I put it in quotes because BOY sounds more like it. I would resent that and it’s implications too much to deal but that’s up to you.

second of all: get a little vibrator! Use it on your own first to O, then use it during sex and itll definitely do the trick! 


Good luck with this most worthy cause! 

Post # 5
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

bring in a vibrater:)

Post # 6
635 posts
Busy bee

I think a blunt, sit down conversation is in order. Your satisfaction is important, and if he’s not willing to treat it like it’s important, or outright deny your requests and suggestions, that is a major issue. Oral not his thing? Fine. Lots of people aren’t into oral. Some grin and bear it, some just don’t do it. That’s fine and can be worked around. Doing a shitty job of foreplay, and then grinding his fingers in you while you’re dry is completely unacceptable, period. He needs to know this. If he is hurting you sexually, DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. He can go jerk off in the shower is he’s interested in it being the Mr.Hopeful2014 show. If he wants to be intimate with you, he’s going to have to learn to be intimate WITH you, not at you.


Now. For devil’s advocate, does he know that after2 years, he’s failed to bring you to orgasm? Have you been faking it to spare his feelings or to just get him to stop? If so, you’re both guilty in the act of sex being lousey for you. Once again, an honest sit down talk is in order.

Post # 7
2290 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have you tried toys?  A vibrator can work wonders…that’s something that can be used either before or duing sex. 

Post # 8
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’ve never had one ever or you’ve never had one with him?

Post # 9
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@MrsBuesleBee:  Not wanting to do oral doesn’t make him less of a man. Some people have different comfort levels when it comes to sex. Not liking oral isn’t wrong. Its a preferance. If you weren’t comfortable with something, you shouldn’t have to do it either. Plus, lots of women don’t like sucking the big D. Does that mean that they are not women?! NO. It means that THEY JUST DON’T LIKE TO DO THAT. Period.

Post # 10
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@hopefull2014:  Definitely talk to him about bringing a vibrator into the picture. If he is weary of that, tell him that is ONLY for clitoral play, and that it will not enter you… entering the vagina can be purely his territory. Make sure he knows that you haven’t orgasmed yet, and explain that you feel like since he gets to every time, you want a shot at it as well! Remind him that its not his fault, and that many women have a hard time getting there. Hopefully you haven’t faked orgasms in the past, because if so that’s just going to add to the problem. Plus, faking sucks for you, because if you always fake it… you won’t get around to the real thing!

Post # 11
9128 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@LeonardLady:  boy/man/woman stuff aside,  the “eww vaginas gross” attitude trumping your lady getting off does not sit right with me! Like I said its up to the OP to decide how much that attitude matters to her. 



Post # 13
2672 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@MrsBuesleBee:  I’m a woman who thinks that oral on a woman is gross. Am I less of a man now? 

Post # 14
9128 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I wasn’t attempting to be all that literal, ladies. I just think it’s an immature and selfish attitude to have in the sack! I mean the OP starts “OMG I love oral” but my fiancé thinks it’s gross!?!? Come on. I would tell my girlfriends the same! 

Post # 15
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


There is a HUGE portion of women who cannot have an Orgasm from Penetrative Sex.

There is a smaller portion, yet SIGNIFICANT amount of women who have NEVER had an Orgasm with their partner

Of this bunch…

There are those that cannot organsim with their Partners… just alone

And then a approx 10% + of Women who cannot orgasm at all.

I used to be one of these women.

I liked sex well enough… I just couldn’t GET THERE

My Ex Hubby didn’t like sex… (alcoholism was the primary cause).  And he had no idea (or interest) on what he was supposed to be doing in the Bedroom

Sadly, my experience as a kid who was molested by a Relative, and also my heavy religious upbringing meant that I had a lot of GUILT associated with sex

Sex = Dirty

This restrained my body from natural enjoyment

It wasn’t until after my Divorce that I was actually able to get to the BIG O

And to be honest that came thru a process of self discovery / self pleasure


So my best advice…

Read up.  Learn how your body works.  Become familiar with your body (hello hand mirror).  Explore yourself.  And figure out how to GET THERE on your own (IT WILL TAKE TIME & PRACTICE)

Then after you have conquered that, then you can share that knowledge with your Partner

Hope this helps,


Post # 16
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Can you do it solo? If you haven’t, that’s a good way to get familiar enough with your body that you can better guide him. Imagine being him, not knowing what to do AND being unable to feel what you feel. Given his attitude about oral (ew, gross? Is he 12?) he will probably need all the assistance you can give him.

A lot of guys assume their penis is some kind of magical orgasm-dispensing machine when in fact it is exceedingly rare for women to achieve orgasm from penetration alone. Most women require clitoral stimulation in tandem (though there are positions that can provide enough pressure for some from the pelvic grind) or separately to climax. Have him touch you slowly and softly with his fingers, staying on your clitoris or using the other hand inside. Find a vibrator he can use on you, lightly at first. Or, find one that you can use one hand to hold on your clit during sex (fingering yourself can work too if not too awkward).

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